Hyacinth Petals

seven

"I was hoping for things to become better between us."

Hoseok, who was now in a kneeling position, tries to adjust the placement of the bouquet into a better position. "After that talk, I was praying that things will be all right again, that everything will go back to normal. Even though I had this gut feeling that the talk wasn't as effective as I had hoped it would be, I still wished that Yoongi would be able to resolve whatever conflict he had. Or at least, I had hoped that he would tell me sooner or later."

Finally satisfied with the placement, Hoseok sat on his feet and glanced at Jimin's name. With a softening expression, he sighed. "I guess you could say that things somewhat became better. Our relationship slightly improved, he's been trying to be more affectionate towards me, his smile is slightly brighter than before, he—" He paused, released a breath. "Well, you get the idea." He says instead. "But despite these little actions of affection Yoongi was trying to give me, I—" He pursed his lips, swallowed his tears. "I could tell that it wasn't as genuine as I had wanted it to be."

Hoseok fell back to a sitting position, once again crossing his legs, and set his hands onto his thighs as he went deep in thought. "It just wasn't the same. He wasn't the same and I was just clueless as to why. I couldn't seem to understand why he doesn't look at me the same way as before, why he acts differently around me like I'm just some roommate who he had to deal with for the rest of his life. I-I don't understand why he was being like that and it frustrated me so much."

Tears once again built up behind his eyes, a sea of tears that he struggles to stifle. Brittley, he continues, "I wanted to know what's been going on inside his head. I wanted to be able to understand him and to help him solve the problem that he had. To be able to sympathize with him and to know if I had to change something in me, to know if I'm the one at fault around here or not." His breath shuddered at the back of his throat. "I-I was desperate to know. I was frantic and my head was becoming an absolute pile of a mess because of him. I wanted to know what's wrong. I wanted to know why he wasn't telling me what he truly felt. Why he keeps on telling me the same answers over and over again like some robot! I needed to know what's been troubling him recently, for him to act this way towards me and to understand what's with his behavior!" He sniffled.

"I am his husband!" Hoseok emphasized, pointing at himself. "And I have every right to know what's wrong and to help him get through these problems no matter what!"

He had said those last words a little louder than he intended, with a bit more force and emotion than he anticipated. Realizing this, he promptly straightens his posture and cleared his throat, casting away from Jimin. "I-I'm sorry." He sniffled. "I-I got carried away there."

Briefly closing his eyes, Hoseok inhales, then exhales.

Relax, Hobi. Just relax.

As he released one final exhale, he looks back up at Jimin with a bit more composure and a recollected mindset. Inhaling a sharp breath, he proceeds, "I wanted to know why he was acting this way, why he seemed to have become a lot more distant than ever before, and why he had turned into a whole different person. I wanted to know what was wrong, but that was until—" His breath hitched and his heart skipped a beat. "Until—" His stomach churned, and his chest felt constrained.

He lets out a shuddering sigh. "Until I found out the reason why he has been like this." His heart panged. "Why we weren't as close as before and why the distance between us had reached several feet away."

After releasing those words, the devastation had filled his soul and he almost wanted to break into empty laughter. He wanted to laugh out the pain, to laugh at himself for being so stupid and so naive, and to just sob the numbing pain out of his chest.