Her first

Chapter 19: Elijah - Emily

Elijah.

I sit in my beach house alone, wondering. Thinking of what I'll do, i feel helpless and heart broken. I've never felt this way about anything or anyone.

"What has her love done to me"

The first time I'm ever crying for a girl, the first time I truly love someone and my heart is shattered.

"She should have talked to me, how could she give herself to someone else like that"

I head to the beach for a walk, trying to clear my head standing with a cool breeze and a beautiful sky full of stars thinking about her, about them. Not trying to picture, imagine them together in bed.

"Ahhhhhhhh".

The sound of my scream echoes through out the beach. Forgetting about this is going to be hard, especially because she's the love of my life.

"I can't let go of her, she's everything I need, i want I love she's someone I never want to loose"

Letting go is the hardest part, I can't moving on is suicide. Every muscle, every fiber of my being telling me to let go, but I can't. I begin to walk along the beach, the sound of the waves drumming in my ears. Over a short distance I see a figure sitting on the sand.

"Hey"

She turns around, the lights around the beach illuminating her face.

"Hey"
"May I?"
"Sure, there's plenty space"

I sit down next to her. She faces the ocean, she looks back at me catching me staring.

"So...im Elijah"
"Mia, nice to meet you"
"So you like to come here often?"
"mostly, when I want to clear my head. Like I think you're doing right now"
"..."
"don't worry, I won't ask what's bothering you"
"I have no trouble sharing it with you, that's if you don't mind"
"I'm all ears"

I fill her in on what's been bothering me. Although not to every last detail.

"It sounds to me like you're about to make a really bad choice"
"What, I don't follow"
"You're hurt by the whole thing, I would be hurt to but remember one thing you were not together at the time it happened. She had that secret with her hiding it, think of how much she felt hurt hidding it from the love of her life concealing the fear of loosing you with a smile on her face"
"i think she should have said something"
"she was trying to find out a way to tell you without you leaving her, the fact that she came out with this means she loves you more than anything"
"what do you suggest I do"
"right now you're angry, hurt. You need to calm down before you can face each other but don't let it take to long, there's only so much she can wait"
"Thank you so much, I know what I have to do"

Emily.

"I love you so much Elijah, even if you decide to leave me"

Breaking up with Eli will hurt me more than anything, he means the world to me. Despite the mistake I made I can't deny him his decision, I won't force him to be with me.

"How can I go on living without you Eli"

I hold up a photo of us after a movie date, he's arms wrapped around my waist. My phone in my arms snapping the selfie as he kissed my neck. Tears haven't stopped streaming down my face since he left this evening without saying a word.

"I never meant to hurt you or break your heart Eli I'm truly, so sorry"

In all my life of being with him I never thought my feelings would grow this much for him, there unconditional and never ending. I regret what I did because I wanted him to be my first and last and now my stupid mistake will cost me my happiness.

"The guy of my dreams, i love you like crazy"

He's my whole world, he's soulfully right for me. Others may not see but my heart will never change.

I get up and head to the living room.

Knock knock knock knock. Hopeful and never cleaning the tears in my eyes I open the door. I'm disappointed at my finding

"What do you want?"
"To talk, I know I'm not usually in the picture but I need to tell you that I love you and miss you so much Emily"
"Please don't say that Matt"
"why not, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you and that's the truth"
"Matt leave now!"

I walk towards the door and open it.

"look, no matter what you do, what you say I will still love you. That night of passion made me think about you every day and night I couldn't sleep"
"don't remind me of what happened"
"i know I've been along for a while now can you please tell me who got you pregnant"
"im delivering this baby for Elijah's eldest sister, shes been undergoing chemotherapy treatment and will have a surgery soon so she asked me to keep her baby safe"
"atleast you're talking to me Emily"
" Please Matt I don't want you to be here"

He steps closer and closer to me.

"why, why can't you be around me do you feel the same way"
"I do not, just leave alright"

It's like my brain was in the sky I've been backed into a wall.

"What are you doing, leave"

I try to push him but he holds my hands and places them on his chest.

"Feel how it beats for you"

The door to the living room swings wide open fast, as Elijah walks in on Matt and I in an awkward position.