Ghost Of You | Yoonmin

o11

o11
"revelations,"

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BLINDING LIGHTS.

Searing pain, everywhere, I can feel it.

The pain, the pain, the pain. Oh and the ringing. Make it stop. Where am I? Why is everything ringing?

"Sir can you hear me?"

Yes.

He struggled to open his eyes. They felt too heavy, and he was so exhausted. It was too much energy to open them. He just wanted sleep. And where were the dogs? He couldn't hear the dogs barking anymore, just the sounds of machines, and screaming.

"YOONGI!"

Jungkook. He turned his head from side to side, trying to distinguish where it was coming from. Where was Jungkook? More importantly, where was Han?

"J-Jung...k...oo....k," he garbled.

"Hey he's waking up! Sir can you hear me!"

Yes, I can hear you. Where's jungkook? Where's Han? What happened, are they okay? He had so many questions, but it was hard to concentrate due to the white lights and loud screaming. He couldn't speak. HIs lips wouldn't move the way he wanted, and it was a struggle to breathe. He could hear Jungkook screaming his name over and over again, but he couldn't see him. He wanted to call back, but his head hurt too much. He felt like someone was bashing his skull in. Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop.

"Sir can you tell me your name?"

It's Yoongi. Min Yoongi. Where's my fiance?

He suddenly felt like coughing, his eyes rolling into the back of his head.

"He's lost a lot of blood, he's going into shock,"

What? No that can't be right. We were...no no this isn't right. He forced his eyes open, wincing at the harshness of the fluorescent lighting. The pain shot through him like a bullet tearing his skin.

And then he was screaming.

Yoongi awoke, screaming as he sat upright in bed. His hand was clutched over the area where his heart would be. He could feel it beating heavily in his chest, and Yoongi was positive that if it were beating any faster, it would burst out of his chest.

Sobbing, Yoongi buried his head in his hands. He would give anything to be able to forget that day. He was in so much pain, although it didn't properly set in until they arrived at the hospital and he was struggling to find the source of Jungkook's screaming. He could feel every bit of damage done to his body, from the fractured that cracked when breathed. He could feel the discomfort of his dislocated shoulder. He could feel the blood pooling from the gash in his forehead and other areas of his body, and gathering beneath him on the stretcher. He was hypersensitive to the sounds around him, the loud beeping of the heart monitor and the screaming - Jungkook's screaming - coming from all around him. The sounds made him feel like someone was torturing him. It was his own personal hell. He couldn't talk to move without pain taking over. He could only lie in paralzyed fear and watched what happened around him, praying this wasn't it.

Yoongi pushed himself from bed, still crying. He'd lost count of all the times he'd cried this summer. His emotions were running high, and with the anniversary of Han's death approaching, he just wasn't in the best moves. He snatched his jeans from the floor and fumbled around the pockets, looking for his cigarettes. Smoking kill y'know.

Maybe that's what I want.

He promised to quit drinking, but he couldn't kick the can when it came to smoking. He started back up after Han's death, needing something to help ease the stress.

He found himself on the balcony seconds later, with the joint wedged between his lips. He still detested the smell of smoke, and with each deep breath he took, the smoke burned his throat and lungs. But it calmed his nerves. His crying eventually ceased, and his hands stopped shaking. He was able to breathe again, without feeling like he was going to have a mental breakdown. The warm august air ruffled his hair. It had a slight chill to it. Fall would be here soon.

He stayed on the balcony until the sun began to rise. He didn't want to go back to sleep, terrified that if he did, if he closed his eyes, he would replay the accident over and over again. So sleep was out of the question. He could practically hear Han's voice saying You need sleep in that scolding tone of his. He also knew what he would say if he could see him like this.

You need help baby, you're making me worried.

"M' not ready," Yoongi mumbled, trying to convince himself that he wasn't. He couldn't talk about the accident without breaking down. It was too painful. "Not ready," he repeated in a quieter voice.

You are ready. You're just afraid. Tell me, what are you afraid of Yoongi?

"Losing you,"

Baby boy, I'm already gone

"No you're not, you're right here, you came back," he argued.

Baby, you can't bring me back

"If I get help you'll leave me,"

Who said that?

"That's how this works. I get better and you leave,"

Yoongi, I won't leave you unless you want me to. As long as you need me, I'll be there. That's how this works. Won't you at least try? If not for you, then for me, and Jungkook? He needs you baby, please don't leave him, he'll be so lost without you,

"I'm not ready," he whimpered.

Yes you are. I know it

"How?"

Because you went to that meeting. You went and you didn't back out this time. All those other times you tried to go in but didn't because you weren't ready then, but you did it this time. You went in. That's how I know you're ready.

Yoongi wiped his eyes and sniffed. "I'm sorry I'm not strong,"

Shh baby, it's okay, you're strong, Yoongi, so, so strong. You're still here. That's what matters okay? You can do this. I'll be here every step of the way. I'm not leaving.

Yoongi inhaled shakingly. The sun had risen to the point that it's yellow rays mixed with the night's blue sky. The stars were fading, the moon was getting ready to say goodbye while the sun said hello. A brand new day was upon him. A brand new chance to make some changes, and maybe a chance to get better.

I swear it wouldn't take me as long to write these if I didn't spend half my time jamming out to ac/dc, queen and my chemical romance