Rising Star: Book 3 of The Orion Series

Our Lone Satellite

The ground closed up around you

Your lips dried up in a smile

The candescent sky crying tears

The stars got a little dimmer today

I knew something was wrong

Before you slipped away

There was nothing to say

Even if I did

It wouldn't matter, you couldn't hear me

We plant flowers on your grave

But they just shrivel up and die

They say you're looking down on me

But I think it's the other way 'round

Maybe I'm wrong

Carrying emotions like cinnamon

I never claimed to be a flawless person

Not God, don't believe, anyway

Unless it's me

Maybe then I could've stopped the deterioration

Maybe then you'd stop playing your bones on my head

A demented xylophone

I'm not a damned instrument

But you're playing my heart like one

Cut the strings, let me go

Stop smiling at me with your skeletal smile

You're finally at peace

So why can't I be?

--The song Wishing Release, lyrics by Orion Bauwens

I started having a recurring nightmare around this time about being a piece of driftwood. Not very profound, or mysterious, I know. Every time I dreamed it was slightly different. Sometimes I was the piece of driftwood--sometimes I was watching it. There was always a sense of urgency, that I had to get out of the water, or I had to save the piece of wood. I never could though.

We continued life as normal. The records kept getting churned out. The tours kept happening. The press rounds were never ending. We were starting to burn ourselves at both ends, a fact none of us wanted to admit out loud. So we didn't. We just trudged on.

Occasionally one of us would let the facade drop. A silent look--"I'm not happy.", "I'm scared.", "I'm not okay today.". It didn't matter who gave it--Orion, Ben, or myself. It was always acknowledged with a small, silent, knowing smile. It was always returned with the same miserable smile.

I don't know why we never spoke up. I don't know why we never did anything about our shared disdain for the life we were living. Maybe we didn't want to rock the boat. Maybe because it was a matter of pride and none of us wanted to admit there was something wrong, very wrong. Maybe it was because this was Life now. This was Our Life, it was all we knew as adults, and we knew we'd be lost without it. Worse, we'd be fucking screwed without it.

The awards and accolades kept coming. We didn't win all of them, obviously, but we won enough to be recognized as one of the top bands in history now. It was no small feat, and we should have been happy. I don't know about anyone else, but I felt downright guilty that I wasn't happier.

We had proven ourselves to the world. Three nobody's from Nowhere, Michigan...A nerdy, pudgy kid on drums, a very plain, painfully average guy on bass, and an abused, screwed up teen as the lead...A trio of kids who took a leap into the unknown, and we came out the other side superheroes.