Spiderman One-shots 🕸️

I don't feel like Peter

I have seen a lot of FtM trans Peter Parker stories, but not a lot of MtF ones. So I am giving that a shot. If I get something wrong please tell me so I can change it, I don't want to come across offensive in any way.

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Have you ever felt stuck? Caught in a web of guidelines and standards that you feel obligated to follow.

My name is Peter Parker. At least that's what everyone calls me. I know deep down that it isn't me. I'm not Peter Parker, but someone else trapped in his body.

But how can I tell anyone that. They would think I am crazy, or ungrateful. Beloved Peter Parker, son of billionaire Tony Stark wants to change everything about himself.

Herself.

I don't know.

I don't know what to feel anymore. It's as if I have gone numb, unable to feel anything except panic and confusion. I blame it on my spider senses, but I don't think I spun a convincing lie.

How am I supposed to function when every cell in my body is screaming at me? I just want to be normal but I can't have that. I can never be normal, my Parker luck won't allow it.

Even patrol doesn't help calm my nerves. The suit feels wrong, the name reflects someone I'm not. I pass a window and grimace at the reflection staring back at me.

I need to talk to someone.

But who would care? No one. Bottle things up and they will go away. Don't tell anyone to save them the suffering. That's the heroic thing to do, right? Save people from your pain.

"Kid?" I'm crying. How did I not know I'm crying. My mind has lost all control over my body. Like they're detached, or not cooperating properly.

"Kid what's wrong." It's Tony.

Dad.

He is going to hate me if I tell him.

I am a disgrace.

"Kid please talk to me." My head shakes on its own accord. I am working on autopilot, wiping my tears away and giving an almost robotic smile.

Smiles hide the pain. A perfect mask.

"I'm fine." Vocal chords betray my carefully crafted image.

"You're not fine. It's okay to be not fine, you know." What is it about being told your not fine. One second you are put together and the next the floodgates open and you are drowning in all your pain.

A cold shudder runs down my spine sending my senses into overdrive. My eyes go blurry and my ears feel ready to burst. To block everything out I bury my head into my knees and curl into the fetal position. Dad's voice rings in my head, taunting me.

"You're not fine. You're not fine. You're not fine."

"Stop!" A piercing scream breaks free from my throat. My senses lull, the calm before the storm. I feel something graze my arm and wrap around my waist. My body falls limp to the touch I have so desperately craved for so long.

"Peter-"

"Not me." I whisper, training my blurry vision on my knees.

"What do you mean."

"I don't feel like Peter." The words claw at my throat, suffocating me. He is going to hate me. Everyone is going to hate me.

"Can you explain." My body is shifted so I am facing Dad. His large brown eyes are full of concern, but a glimmer of love spurs me to talk.

"I don't feel like Peter. I am trapped. This isn't my body, I don't want it." More tears roll down my face and it's getting harder and harder to breathe, but I push through. "I can't look at myself anymore. I see someone else. I am not Peter. I don't know who I am."

"You feel like you are in the wrong body?" Dad asks, but without a trace of the malice I was expecting. Instead his voice is dripping with curiosity and kindness. My lip quivers at the tone out of pure shock. Unable to form a sentence I nod my dip my head.

"Oh kid it's okay. You know I would never judge you. I love you with all my heart and we will work this out together, okay." I nod my head firmly and give him a watery smile. Is this what acceptance feels like? Is this how it feels to be loved?

"Thank you." I whisper, barely audible. I am pulled into another embrace, this time feeling every single movement. A pool of warmth fills my chest as I practically melt into my dad's arms. A huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

I can finally let myself breathe.

I may elaborate on this story in the future. I kinda changed up my style a bit, so I am sorry if it is really bad. I tried my best.

Until next time xx