A Quick Fix (Oneshot Collection)

Unfiltered Honesty (Metallica)

Notes: Could be pictured as any era from KEA to MoP.

Kirk talks in his sleep.

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"James, what the fuck are you doing?" Cliff asked in a drowsy tone as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

It was early in the morning, around eight o'clock Cliff assumed, but he was woken up to the sound of someone giggling under their breath. He peered over at the genesis of the noise to see James huddled by the couch where Kirk laid sprawled out across the length of it. Kirk was fast asleep, tangled up in a comforter with his hair in disarray, and steadily drooling all over his pillow. What made the whole situation weird was the fact that Kirk was mumbling nonsense in his sleep.

"Shh! Don't talk too loud," James warned as he held a finger up to his lips.

He motioned Cliff over with a frantic wave of his hand and, despite wanting to go back to bed and crash for another four hours, Cliff found himself intrigued. Cliff walked over towards where James kneeled on the ground next to the couch and squatted down beside him. He gave James a curious look with a raised eyebrow as if he was waiting for an explanation.

"Kirk's talking in his sleep," James said.

"So? He always mumbles gibberish when he's drank too much the night before," Cliff stated, unimpressed by James' need to share this news with him. If you can even call it news.

"Yeah, but he answers back."

"What the fuck does that mean?"

Just then Lars walked into the room looking like the living dead as he stumbled tiredly to see what all the hubbub was about.

"What the fock are you guys whispering about?" Lars complained in a raspy tone muddled by sleep.

"Shut up!" James hissed under his breath as he quickly sprang up and snatched Lars by the wrist.

The blonde pulled Lars over so that they were all huddled around Kirk on the sofa as he softly dozed away, none the wiser. Lars wasn't sure as to what was happening, but simply went along with whatever James and Cliff were up to. James turned to his two friends with a wide grin on his face.

"You guys wanna ask him a question?" James inquired.

"You can't be serious, right?" said Cliff.

"Oh, I'm dead serious."

"You assholes still haven't answered my question," Lars bemoaned.

"Kirk is talking in his sleep," James explained.

"So? He always does that," Lars said, mirroring Cliff's response.

"Apparently he's been answering James whenever he asks a question," Cliff added, though he still wasn't convinced.

"Bullshit," Lars swore.

"Alright. You fuckers don't believe me?" James turned his attention to Kirk and leaned in close enough for Kirk to hear his voice as he whispered, "Hey, Kirk. What's the square root of sixteen?"

For a moment there was only silence, but then Kirk squirmed against the couch and let out a soft sigh.

"Four..." Kirk replied in a heavy, breathy mumble.

But they all heard it. There was no denying that.

"No focking way."

Lars and Cliff were in awe for a second as they quickly woke up and processed what just happened. Had Kirk actually answered? James looked over at them with a smug grin.

"This has to be a trick..." Cliff admonished, not fully believing the integrity of James' discovery.

"Go on, ask him anything. He answers almost every time."

Cliff's gaze shifted between James and the man sleeping on the couch. Lars looked at him like he wasn't buying it either, but Cliff figured what the hell? I'll bite.

"Kirk, what color are your eyes?" Cliff asked.

"Br..." Kirk sighed, voice drifting off halfway through before trying again. "Brown..."

"Holy focking shit," Lars giggled under his breath. After he was done laughing as quietly as possible, Lars leaned over and whispered, "Hey Kirk, do you like boys?"

"Shut up, don't ask that!" Cliff murmured harshly.

"M'yeah..." Kirk said, curling further into his blanket.

"Oh my God," James tittered, covering his mouth.

"That's so cool!"

They all couldn't really wrap their heads around such a strange phenomenon and the odds of it happening, but it was quite amusing for the most part. Cliff sort of felt on the fence about it. It almost felt like an invasion of privacy. Either way, Cliff found himself fascinated nonetheless.

"Out of James, Lars, and Cliff, who do you think is the cutest, Kirk?" Lars went on to ask.

"Stop!" Cliff admonished, but now even he was smiling as they all whispered back and forth furiously.

Kirk's lips parted slightly as if he was about respond, but only a light snore came out instead. Lars seemed to be put out by this, as was James and Cliff, so he asked again, speaking up a little this time.

"Mmm..." Kirk murmured, exhaling through his nose. "Cliff..."

"Wwwhhaaat?" Lars offered in quaking laugh that was broken up by shorter laughs.

James and Lars turned their heads over to Cliff who was now sporting a soft blush. Cliff suddenly felt put on the spot and both James and Lars looked at him with horrifically amused smiles.

"Do you wanna kiss Cliff?" James inquired after a beat much to Cliff's horror.

"Don't ask him that!" Cliff squawked this time, almost on the verge of bringing his voice above the faint murmur.

But to all their surprise, Kirk answers that question as well, leaving them reeling from the unfiltered honesty.

"Mmm-hmm..."

"Alright, it's not funny anymore guys. Just stop," Cliff urged, feeling extremely embarrassed now.

An interrupted snore cuts through their argument and all their gazes come to rest solely on Kirk who is now wide awake. He cracked his eyes open, wiping the drool off the side of his face, and sat up suddenly when he saw his friends crowding around him. At first he was freaked out, but then calmed down a little when he realized it was just Cliff, Lars, and James. He rubbed at his right eye and looked at them all. James and Lars were grinning and giggling like a couple children while Cliff was looking all sorts of flustered.

"What are you guys doing?" Kirk questioned, voice soft and light from grogginess.

"So, ya wanna kiss Cliff, huh?" Lars teased.

"What?" Kirk asked in confusion.

And then it dawned on him why Cliff had looked so embarrassed and why the other two were laughing out loud now. Kirk's face heats up with a creeping blush and he looks away them shyly.

"I was talking in my sleep again, wasn't I?" Kirk surmised. Judging by the way all three of them were staring at him, his assumption was correct. "Oh my God, how embarrassing..."

"Yeah, kinda," Cliff admitted with a nervous smirk, rubbing at the back of his neck. "But for what's it's worth, I'm flattered you wanna kiss me."