4 Am (#Wattys2019)

Ineffable Afflictions

Moon dust in your lungs,
Stars in your eyes,
You are a child of cosmos and,
The ruler of the skies." ~ via trenzalors.

My body relaxes, yet stays stiff as I know it the last of bit's emanating from my stomach.

I straighten myself and wash my face which has turn red. I feel wobblish. I get out of the bathroom and peregrinate to my bed. My arms feel heftily ponderous as I lay down. My dad tucks me in.

"Feeling better?" He asks sitting adjacent to me.

"I think."

"Good night, do you want to go to school tomorrow?"

"I'll see if I'm okay in the morning. My alarm is on."

He nods as I descry wrinkles around his eyes. He leaves and is about to close the door when I verbally express, "Sorry. Dad." He hears me and gives me a smile.

I feel horrible, but fall asleep soon.

***

I arouse due to the sound of my alarm. Isabella is still asleep so I don't switch the alarm off. My head hurts but I'll pop in paracetamol and go to school.

At school we get out math test papers and I get twenty six mark's out of thirty. I feel nice, some people fail the test and Linda, Farhan and Madal get good marks.

When the bell rings I dread going home, as I have to get yare to meet my "elongated" family.

I ambulate in the crowded hallway with Julian, he doesn't question my state. That's what I like about him, he just let me be. No questions. No answers. He is quit good looking, with his straight nose and Australian features. No wonder people wonder if we are dating.

"I was talking with the boys." He commences, I nod for him to go on. "Liam is so into you."

"Its not a secret." I laugh, feeling flattered. "But I'm surprised by the numbers." I add on.

"I'm not."

"What? Into me?" I question, diverted by seeing my sister verbalize with the guy who asked for my phone one day, his name is Alex.

"No, not surprised by the numbers." He verbally expresses a little out of breath.

"So, how's life." I verbalize, it's my phrase when I wish to end the conversation.

"You make it better." He tells me.

"Really?" I verbalize, taken by surprise. "It signifies alot to me. It truly does." I verbally express genuinely as I touch his hand affectionately, he shivers. I move my hand.

He just smiles.

"Is everything okay, you seem diverted these days." He conclusively asks.

"Affirmative. It is fine. Could be a lot better though. I'm waiting for the good days." I smile at him.

"True." He says. "It can always, you just don't smile the same." He says as he walks away from me. He waves as I wave back, we go our separate ways and I get into my dad's car.

"How was today?" He asks me.

"It was good, I got 26 in math." I verbalize genially.

My dad turns and smiles.

"That's like my daughter. I told you you'd get better."

"Yes dad. I'll get better."

***

Dad takes us to the mall to get dresses for me and Isabella. We will be going to the classiest restaurant in the town. And we require to look acceptable.

I buy an ebony dress, for some reason I feel exhausted, I don't know if its mental or physical exhaustion. I guess it's both. Isabella takes more time to get herself a red dress, which compliments her thin frame. We go to starbucks to get ourselves a drink. I get chocolate chip frappuccino with two shots of coffee and Isabella gets lemon tea.

As I take the sip from my frappuccino, my eyes meet with Aiden's. The frappuccino doesn't seem sweet anymore. We walk past eachother like strangers.

***
Today is the day I will determinately meet my half brother and his family. Like always, I'm feeling uneasy and tensed although I know I can't do anything about that. The fact is painful that he stayed away from his real dad all the while, but the one who raised him IS in fact his true dad...because he was there, perpetually. I dislike myself for thinking this, but the one who birthed you doesn't have to be your parent, it's the one who raised you.
I look at my dads face from the backseat I know he isn't feeling the best and my mom seems rather okay with it, which unsettles me. So does Isabella, as if she has a hang of things.

And I endeavor to inculpate my uneasiness to the fact that I might be pregnant...and I googled my symptoms and I sure as hell didnt get hot flashes on my face or anything. There is no way I can sneak in a pregnancy test. No way at all. I just hope I'm not....pregnant.

Will Aiden accept our-

"We are here." Mom verbally expresses getting out of the car, it surprises me that we didnt have to wait for parking and curse people who gave a denotement that they will leave the parking but don't.

The parking lot is so fancy. I just wonder what the inside looks like. We ambulate in the fancy parking lot, the gatekeeper opens the gate giving us a kind smile. As step in, the cool air hits my face and it feels so good. I get a weird feeling in my stomach, butterflies anticipating what is going to transpire next.

The waiter approaches us and my dad tell him we have reservation, he guides us to the astronomically immense table with 8 seats, it will be quite a lot of us. From what I have kenned is that my half brother has a half brother.

We all sit on one side of the table. The waiter hands us the menu and I look in it and read the names of dishes I had never heard. I feel light headed and dizzy.

"I'm going to the washroom." I announce softly. Isabella looks at me with a concerned expression. I assure her that I can go alone. She has been way too concerned for me these days. I wonder what's up with her. But then, she is Isabella and she is famous for being concerned about anything and everything always.

I walk towards the sign which says washroom, no one is looking at me in the way, they all are diligent in chit chat and fake smiles, pretending things are alright. I feel so small in this immense world. I matter to no one.

I enter the washroom, and I'm not surprised when it smells quite fruity. I just unnecessarily wash my hands, I abhor myself because I abhor wasting water. But I swear to myself that I won't do it again. I visually examine myself in the mirror, my eyes are tired, but it's not noticeable under that heavy mascara that I knowingly applied.

I pat my hands dry with single use tissues, which I abhor again.

I walk out and I see a familiar face. Its Alex. He descries me too and we face eachother from far.

"Hey! Elenor?" He verbally expresses as he gives me a nice smile. I wave at him"What are you doing here?"

"Oh, I- um, just here for dinner. Nice place right?"

"Yes absolutely, it's very well built." He comments awkwardly.

"See you at school." I verbally express as we commence ambulating.

"Sure, bye!" He verbally expresses with a weird countenance, soon I mirror that expression when we both walk on the same side. I stop remotely and indicate him to go forward, he smiles and does so. And he is going the same way that I am. I follow behind. Ok not follow but just walk to my table.

And when he goes to the same table as I do. My worst fear comes to life.

Alexander is my half brother. And Isabella knew about it.