Awakening Sheeple

~ Chapter 31 ~

We didn't talk all the way home, he held my hand and every so often he would kiss it and look over at me and smile. His energy spread through me, I was calm and filled with love, at peace in the moment. When we got home I went about making some dinner while Kaysen was in the meditation room. I called him to come out and eat with me. I heard his voice in my head telling me to go ahead and eat. It was perfectly all right with me because I was starving and he was doing something very important. I will join him after I eat.

He was gone. I went into the room expecting to see him there but he was gone. I didn't hear him leave the room, why didn't he tell me he was finished? I called out loud for him and he replied in my mind, 'I am here Love.'

'Where are you?'

He touched my shoulder and I spun around. "Where did you go? I didn't hear you. What is going on Kaysen? I know you aren't telling me something."

His arms wrapped me up and I clung to his waist. His smell filled my head and a sense of ease came over me. "I don't know what I would do without you, I love you so much," I confessed.

"I love you too, more than anything." He pushed me away holding my shoulders and looking into my eyes. I was shocked to see his eyes filled with tears. One spilled down his cheek and I wiped it away. "What is going on with you?" Dread started to fill my heart.

"It's nothing, I just love you so much," he replied pulling me back into him.

This time I could not let it go. Normally I just trust his judgment and take solace in his decisions. This time I could not forget it for some reason. I pulled away from him and studied his aura but there were no real telltale signs that I could notice. He is completely enlightened but there was a small bit of sadness around his heart. "Tell me Kaysen!" I demanded, "I know there is something you are not telling me!" I was getting very emotional and starting to feel a little hysterical.

"Okay Love, it's okay, calm down. Let's go and sit down." He trailed me into living room and sat knee to knee with me holding both my hands in his.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly searching for the words to begin. My heart was in my throat, he was going to leave me again I just knew it! The tears streamed down my face. Kaysen took another deep breath and I could feel a calmness come over me.

He began. "When I was in California on my last mission Helen contacted me."

"I know, when my phone call with her got cut off," I interjected.

"Not exactly," he confessed. "She contacted me just before your call with a vision, before you got taken away but I was already deep into my mission and couldn't contact you. I had to make a choice, quit my mission which could create a lot of havoc, but then I could catch a flight to get home in a day. Not getting me home before Demo took you to the other side or just killed you. I had another option"...he hesitated. "I chose to finish my mission because ... then I could allow myself to be killed after I captured the Dark one. When I was free of my body I could be back here in an instant to save you." He stopped talking to allow me to catch up to what he'd just said. My mouth dropped open but my mind would not allow me to think it. Obviously he isn't dead so what is he talking about? Where is he going with this story?

He continued, "it was a sacrifice I had to make. I couldn't let my assignment go bust and I had to get to you as fast as I could. Even if I quit my assignment I wouldn't have made it back in time. As it was I didn't get here before they took you. Helen knew you were going to call her but didn't have time to tell you anything before you were cut off. She tried to call you as soon as she knew but your phone was off the hook so Jenn's phone rang. That is what saved her life. By the time I arrived at the office they had just left with you. I was too late." His voice choked back and he had to stop.

"So you are telling me that you are dead?" I laughed in disbelief. I couldn't believe that, no way! "But you are here with me and we made love! Why didn't Drew tell me what happened?" I couldn't understand. I didn't want to believe it, what did it really mean?

"Drew doesn't know. I spoke to him in his head and told him I saw Abad blow up, when actually I took him to the bomb zone with me and passed him over on the other side. No one knows but you. It was a freeing feeling and I thought I could get here before they did. Maybe by Helen's call saving Jenn, it let them get away quicker because they didn't have to deal with her."

I just shook my head in disbelief, speechless. I could feel my world starting to crumble. Darkness overtook my peripheral vision.

He continued, "I am able to be here just like your Dad is able to be here. My challenge is that I am not as advanced as your father and I cannot hold this form for very long. So whenever I am not with you physically I am with you in spirit. I was the one pushing you out of the restaurant and I picked up your purse for you. I can't eat and I didn't want to blow my cover. I am not supposed to tell anyone, I trust that you won't tell anyone either." He was rambling quickly hoping to keep me from falling apart or to at least finish before I did.

He squeezed my hands and lifted them to his mouth to kiss them over and over. My eyes searched the room for answers, dizziness was trying to overcome me and finally I focused on my hands and his. "But you are here, so real. What does this mean? Can you stay with us? What about the baby?" I was on the verge of a breakdown my whole world was falling apart, I was numb. Then he said the words I never wanted to hear.

"I cannot stay Avery." The tears streamed down his face and his eyes never left mine. I just started to sob and threw my arms around his neck squeezing him tight. I would never let go. He scooped me up and carried me into the bedroom and lay on the bed with me in his arms. He whispered softly in my head, "do you trust me? We will be together again, I swear. Wait for me Angel."

I clung to him even harder, "forever." Eventually I cried myself to sleep. He waited.

When I woke in the morning, he was gone. Panic rose inside me and I screamed his name. He didn't come, he didn't answer me. No, no, no! My aching eyes filled with tears and I reached for his pillow to fill my head with his scent. He left me a note but I couldn't see it for tears. I struggled to wipe the ever flowing water from my eyes so I could focus on his last words.

Avery My Love,

I will always be with you and the baby in spirit. Even if you don't see me you might feel me or hear me. I will arrange to be there for the birth of our baby, if I can. I am growing stronger and so are you. I must serve the greater need right now, my mission is dyer, please understand and forgive me. We will be together again. I love you with all my heart and soul.

Forever yours,

Kaysen xo

"Dear God why is this happening to us!?" I screamed out in hopes of getting an answer. All I got was silence. Kaysen didn't answer and he didn't come, days passed, no one came. The baby didn't speak to me, she could feel my pain. I had to pull myself together for her sake. He is with us in spirit and we will be together again. That is what he told me, that is what I need to focus on. When will we be together again in the next lifetime? I can't think about that right now, I have to stay in the moment as much as I can.