Abused love

It never stops

Days turned into weeks with trying to do the best I can do and what my mom can do to rebuild what was lost for eleven years but sometimes it is extremely hard to trust her when she broke my trust and so deeply too but every day is a new challenge we have good days then we have days that make me question why even do this shit.

"BELLA SCHOOL HONEY!!!" Jacksons mom screams from downstairs until a head pops in the room "Come on princess" As Jackson grabs my waist and kisses me gently before heaving me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes "BABE stoppppp put me down" I laughed as he placed me down as we reached downstairs "Morning kitten morning brother," As Mathew staggers out of the room completely stoned, "Mathew have you been smoking brother?" Jackson's face growing cold he hated smoking and hated when Mathew does it too, "God no cut me some slack told you I am clean just slept late as usual I will be ready in twenty minutes," as Mathew staggered up the stairs, "Princess make sure he gets upstairs safe I will pull the car around love you," as he speeds off to get the car leaving me alone with a half drunk Mathew yay me. I walked into his room and he was no where to be found so I decided to snoop around a little bit I actually have never been in Mathews room before it was not like any other boy room yes you have the trophies from his football and basketball days but then an opened letter on his desk caught my attention i went over and picked it up and started to read it: 'Dear Mathew Sterling ,

We are pleased too inform you that you are apart of our football summer program for Stanford University we are looking forward to talking more with you soon

With regards, James Lee head of Stanford admissions department

What the hell really what the hell Mathew got into Stanford and never told anyone he got early acceptance this is amazing but why keep it a secret. I was about to put it back when , " Kitten what are you," His eyes fixed on the letter in my hand and the smile on my face it took me less than a second to realize he just showered and was in the room in his towel dripping wet could look at him all day but back to reality, "Mathew you got into your dream school why keep it a secret uh why?" curiosity took over but he stood there speechless in his towel, " Look they thought I was clean when they wrote that letter but they don't know I had a relapse why should I even take this if I lied about my health," As he made his way to me, "You know kitten since I came into this room you haven't looked me in the eyes yet something you wanna see?" His eyes full of lust, his mischievous smile sending shivers but we couldn't Jackson was waiting for us downstairs we couldn't, "M...M.. Mathew we shouldn't what about Jackson," As he pressed his wet body onto me, "Fine kitten tonight just wait up for me it's been awhile," He winked at me and started dressing like I wasn't even there not that I mind when he slipped off his towel I tried to shut my eyes but lets just say they strayed , "Kitten you cant cheat save your excitement for tonight can you do that for me," As he threw on his shirt and grabbed his bag, "Lets go babe Jackson is waiting as he said," We both headed out and met Jackson to take us to school. "You never told us how are things going with your mom babe?" His eyes glued to the road, "Well later they are taking me out they have news for me," I awkwardly shift in my seat I don't know what it could be but later I will find out. The day passed as fast as it could have I was beginning to get more friends as more people saw me as the new girl Jackson will screw over and leave but others were happy I changed his attitude made him a better player on the field that is, they all say he will cheat just takes time but I believe he could change and he has he went from having a new girl every week and then cheating on them to having one girl and falling in love with them and marrying me when we talk we talk about the future and what it will hold and everyone thinks we are a great couple and I don't deny it for one second. "Finally school is out," As Scarlet hangs around on me practically tired and dying from school I get it schools hell. And there she was like a picture out of my album it felt exactly like it did eleven years ago and my so called dad was with her I didn't mind I liked him he really treated me well and loved me so much he was family and he made that clear to me. "So ready to go darling," As I wrapped my arms around my mom and dad and waved off everybody before heading off with them. They took me to get milkshakes, then the carnival after all that they took me back to their house where two boys my age and a girl younger than me were waiting inside, "What's going on mom," My eyes fixed on these people, "These are your siblings and I'm pregnant again Isn't that exciting," I felt just like the day she walked out and I thought she died the lies when will they end these boys are my brothers she is my sister and I'm getting a new sibling, "I cant believe you right now I have siblings why lie to me why keep this from me," tears rolling down my face, "It never stops does it mom," They all look at me as I was the monster but I had that look all my life I didn't care why should I anymore, "Look I am happy for you mom but this Is too much right now I'm gonna go I have a test tomorrow," I picked up my bag and started to head for the door, "So your leaving really I love you don't you see that why are you so ungrateful." Oh hell no, "UNGRATEFUL ME," I turned to her everyone watched me , "Hi siblings did your beloved mom tell you what she did to me," their faces confused but my mom pissed off maybe it was the hormones but who cares, "Your mom left me with a man she knew wasn't my real dad, faked her death when I was five and had me get eleven years of beatings she knew he was abusive and let me nearly die countless times in eleven years and I was only five," Anger swept me it boiled inside of me and burned me to my very core, " I'm glad I have siblings but your mom lied to me for eleven years," I showed them a scar on my arm despite her yells for me to stop I ignored her and went along, "Her ex- husband gave this to me for just looking like her could you imagine that I used to get complimented about her looks but to him it was like a bullet to his heart more fuel to the fire more beatings and more tears but where was she right she was with you she didn't care about me enough to save me she left me In hell," I headed to the door , "And mom I hope its boy you don't need to disappoint another girl," And that was it. Night had fallen by the time I reached home I headed straight to my room locked it and sunk to the floor and tears just came out I thought I was empty inside but I thought wrong, "Kitten its me can I come in Jackson is sleeping please, " I reluctantly opened the door and let him in he instantly knew something was wrong, " Hey hey come on talk to me lets go on the bed," I told him everything in between sobs and he looked at me like I was broken again, "Hey lets sleep ok its her fault she left and she had a choice take you or leave you and she left you without a second thought but she is still your mom she still loves you don't worry kitten Mathew is here ok," He cuddled me and I instantly felt safe I fell asleep without second thought I think I loved Mathew,

Oh shit this is hard to love is a strong word but its also the right one, my dreams consumed me and so did my guilt lets hope tomorrow is a better day

Hopefully .