Star Trek Imagines

[DS9] Elim Garak - Safe Space

TW: mentions of self harm, depression, blood etc. - if this makes you uncomfortable or anything, feel free to skip this one! x

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Life, in your case, had been easy in the eye of others. For years, your family had been a part of Starfleet, and it was practically paved in stone for you to follow in their footsteps. You were academically gifted, and not to mention the few hobbies you had on the side, too. To others, your life was idyllic. A loving family, a good education, a career. Nothing in your life was anything less than perfect.

Except it was.

You struggled with what people couldn't see, and it had affected you greatly. For years, you had dealt with declining mental health issues, despite your best efforts to not let it stop you from achieving what you wanted. In lieu of it all, however, you had secured yourself a place on Deep Space Nine, studying and working alongside some of the most talented minds in Starfleet.

Over the course of your stay there, you had made friends along the way who you knew would be for life. Your closest friend, however, came in the form of the stations resident Cardassian, Elim Garak. An unlikely bond, you clicked with him after he opened up to you about his own struggles, and you knew in that moment he was going to be your safe place.

And he was. Every time you had an issue, regardless of how big or small, Garak was there for you through it all. Where you would be without him, you didn't know, nor did you want to know. Garak was more than happy to help you with anything and everything, and always reassured you that he would never judge you. Thus, you did. You told him everything, and each time you were met with kindness and understanding, a shoulder to cry on.

Though, things did begin to go bad again. Your mental health had taken a dip, and you had managed to convince yourself that you had no right to be aboard the station, that you were taking up someone else's place. You convinced yourself that there were smarter and better qualified people at the academy waiting for your job. You convinced yourself that your friends weren't really your friends, that they simply put up with you. Through it, you played off to your friends that you were fine, a false smile plastered on your face and laughter that was less than genuine leaving your lips. Every single day, it became almost routine and began to get exhausting.

Often, you thought of Garak. Your brain told you that he didn't really care, just like the others; it told you that you shouldn't bother him with your problems when he could have things he's dealing with himself. Which is why, as you sat in your quarters, you looked down to your healed scars, and you took a turn for the worse.

Garak wondered where you were, usually you would meet him at this time every day for a drink, and his shop felt empty without you sat on the couch bugging him to finish up. He told himself you were caught up with work, as most of the crew had been recently. Carrying on working, he couldn't quite shake the feeling that something was off. It was only when it reached the hour mark that he decided to shut up shop for the day and venture off to your quarters. You were far more important than any pair of pants.

Hearing the door ring, you decided to remain quiet, not bothering to even check who was there. You were lay on the bed, the cuts on your legs stinging and your eyes sore and red from crying. You were hardly in a state to see anybody anyway. Still, the door persisted. Very quietly, you sighed and, climbing under the covers, you shouted for them to enter. In walked Garak, and in seconds he was by your side.

"Is everything alright, Y/N? I missed you today." he spoke softly, placing a hand on your forehead as if checking you were well.

"M'fine, just tired..." your voice was muffled and quiet, and Garak became concerned. You most certainly were not your usual self. You snuggled yourself into the blanket, and Garak's hand moved to your shoulder.

"Alright. Are you going to tell me what's actually happened, then?" The tone of his voice made clear to you that he didn't believe anything you were saying. It's true what they say; you can't kid a kidder. He looked down when you didn't answer, unsure of what to say next. His eyes wandered to the small stain on the floor just beneath the bed, and he darted his eyes back up to yours, which were currently focused on the side table.

"I'm sorry," you began, sensing there was no point in arguing; he knew exactly what had happened. "I really am, I just-"

"You need not apologise to me," he cut you off, pulling your head up from its place half under the cover to make you look at him. "Nor do you have to explain. I understand. I only wish you had come to me sooner, you're too dear to me to ever have you in such a position where you feel this is the only way out."

You blinked back a few tears, and he cupped your face with one hand, his free hand coming to rest lightly on your leg, which was still under covers. You flinched, and he sighed to himself. He knew from your past conversations that you had harmed previously there, and sensed that was what had occurred this time. You sniffed, and moved aside slightly, a silent invitation for him to join you. Garak wasted no time in rising from his kneeling position to sitting atop your bed next to the covers, which you still had wrapped firmly around you, not wanting him to see the mess. You brought yourself to his side, and his arms found their way around you, one resting at the small of your back and one running through your hair.

A fair few minutes of silence passed, Garak offering as much comfort to you as he could. The silence wasn't uncomfortable, either, it was welcomed, and you stayed there in his arms for what felt like forever before you felt confident enough to speak up.

"I'm sorry, Garak. I know you always say to come to you, and I don't really know why I didn't. I was convinced everyone doesn't want me here, including you, and I guess it just scared me.. it sounds pathetic, doesn't it," you interrupted yourself with a small chuckle; saying it out loud made it sound ridiculous.

"Does that sound as foolish to you as it does to me now you've said it?" Garak's words sunk in, and you admitted to yourself it did indeed sound awfully idiotic. "I understand these feelings, I understand how hard they can be to deal with, Y/N, you know that. And I know that often, you can feel that there's no other way out than to harm yourself. But I do want you to know that, as powerful as those thoughts can be, they are not the answer. Always, they are incorrect. We love you, all of us. There's not a single person I know who says a bad word about you. Never feel alone, Y/N, we're all here for you. This was never the answer. Promise me it will never be the answer you choose again."

"I'll never be able to thank you, you know," you started, voice a little louder this time. "You're wonderful."

"As long as you're alright, that's thanks enough, my dear Y/N."

Lifting your head to look at him, you shifted and smiled to him. His face softened at seeing you smile, glad that he had managed to make you smile, at least.

"You do have a way with words, Garak. Somehow you always have the right thing to say, and it's always what I need. I promise you, this won't happen again."

It was Garak's turn to smile, for he knew that you were telling him the truth. After all, you can't kid a kidder.

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A/N: Thanks for reading! :) x