Tayo Sana

Twelve | 십이

We're so busy thinking about our own bruises, our own scars, we forget how to forgive. But if we just take the time to peek into someone else's world, even the unforgivable can be forgiven.

-Spring Waltz

✈️| T H E N – 2012 |✈️

"Love, please don't cry," alo niya sakin na siyang mas lalong nagdulot sa aking umiyak nang lubusan.

Tumawa pa siya nang bahagya at pinulot ang t-shirt ko mula sa sahig at tinulungan akong isuot 'yun.

"Uwi na tayo?" he asked.

"Seth... we have to talk."

Tahimik siyang nakinig nang ikinuwento ko sa kanya ang lahat ng nangyari at ang mga kasalanan ko. Sa gitna ng pakikinig ay tiim-bagang na siyang nakatingin sa likod ko, hindi na ako maharap nang maayos.

He was as white as sheet when I finished speaking. Rage sparkled in his eyes but he held everything in. His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed and clenched his knuckles.

"Seth... please, talk to me."

"Andy, bakit?" he asked in a voice that was low and controlled.

"Kasi tanga ako! Wala kang kasalanan. I'm so sorry," hagulhol ko.

"Bakit?" ulit niya.

"Patawarin mo ako, Seth. Alam ko na ngayon na ikaw ang mahal ko. Patawarin mo 'ko. Please," pagmamakaawa ko.

Hinawakan ko ang braso niya pero marahin niyang kinalas 'yun.

"Please. 'Wag mo akong iwan!"

"Andy, kailangan kong umalis. Ayokong saktan ka."

Walang salita niyang kinuha ang bag niya at tuluyang iniwan ako sa hotel room. Kung hindi ako nanghina nang tuluyan ay malamang sinubukan ko pang pigilan siya. Pero lahat yata ng lakas ko ay kumawala at naubos sa pagku-kumpisa.

Pakiramdam ko ay nagunaw ang mundo at kagagawan ko 'yun.

I clutched at my chest as I continued to weep. The slice of cake was still on his saucer and another box of pizza lay unopened but it didn't matter. Wala na si Seth. Iniwan niya na ako. At wala akong masisisi dahil kasalanan ko ang lahat.

Ni hindi ko na nga maalala kung ano'ng nagustuhan ko kay Andrei. Ganun ko ba siya ka-gusto at nagawa ko kay Seth 'yun?

✈️| N O W- 2018 |✈️

Warning: SPG

Pinaandar ni Seth ang hot shower kaya't sabay kaming nabasa na parang mga batang naliligo sa ulan.

"That feels good!" I cried as the warmth washed over me. Ang problema lang, kapag pinatay na ang gripo o umalis ako sa kasalukuyang kinatatayuan, alam kong giginawin lang din ako ulit.

"Mauna ka na. Medyo ayos na ko," Seth said and moved to step out of the shower. I surprised both of us by reaching for him and pulling him back so that he's facing me again.

"Sabay na tayo," I said steadily although I think he could see the nervousness in my eyes too. Baka nga dinig niya pa ang tambol ng puso ko.

"Andy..."

"Don't worry. I'm leaving tomorrow, after all."

Hindi na siya sumagot kaya mas hinila ko pa siya palapit sakin. Binigyan ko siya ng ilang segundo para umatras o pigilan ako pero wala siyang ginawa kaya tinuloy ko ang paghalik.

Heaven knows I miss kissing him. It's been so long that I've forgotten how tender he used to kiss me— always so gentle it made me want to take it further.

I started the kiss and to be honest, I dominated it at first; bravely sucking on his lower lip. In a few seconds though, he had already backed me towards the bathroom wall. Pinatay niya ang shower at kahit malamig pa, ramdam ko ang init na unti-unting nagsisimulang maglakbay sa katawan ko.

Isinandal niya ang dalawang kamay sa magkabilang gilid ko na hindi tinitigil ang halikan namin.

This is exactly what I came here for— well not just the make out part. I want to make up with him but if this is what comes first, then so be it.

The kiss didn't break as we made our way to the bed. Pareho kaming natawa dahil sa sobrang lamig ay nanginginig pa kami habang naghuhubad.

It wasn't very easy taking off our clothes since they were already drenched but I was nothing if not determined. Bahala na bukas.

At last, we found ourselves under the thick sheets.

My moan reverberated as he sucked on a nipple gently but consistently. He didn't tease me— I was grateful for that since I couldn't take the waiting anymore.

I let a hand travel to his chest, feeling the smooth hardness of him until I found his abdomen and finally, his dick.

I was hesitant but didn't let it stop me from encircling him with my palm. His breathing  became faster and I could feel him growing harder in my hand.

He began nudging my legs apart. Everything was happening so fast. Foreplay was forgotten because there was a strange urgency in our lovemaking. Ganito ba talaga kapag na-miss niyo ang isa't-isa? Siguro.

Tingin ko ay handa na siya nang bigla ko siyang pinigilan.

"If you change your..." he began to say but I cut him off.

I languidly shifted away from him then directed my position so that I was kneeling on the bed with my back to him and my hands were pressed on the bed's headboard.

He followed me and kneeled behind me, reaching to palm my breasts first.

This is the first time that we are doing this and though I wanted to do this with him a long time ago, there's a difference in the lovemaking of a man and woman who have grown past their puppy love already. If we had done this when we were together all those years ago, I'm sure things would've been awkward because both of us lacked experience. The years had removed that difficulty though. We aren't children anymore. We've seen some of the world.

Seth penetrated me slowly from behind. He moved in a leisurely pace at first. Tinatantiya niya kung komportable ba ako sa posisyon. I was grateful for that because in all honesty, it's been years since I've been intimate with someone and never like this.

Ngunit sa huli ay ako rin ang mas higit na nasabik sa mas mabilis na pag galaw.

"Seth?"

"Andy?" he asked in a low husky voice.

"I can take it. Don't... don't worry about me. You can move... faster now," I whispered.

"Are you sure? Hindi ako nagmamadali," he whispered back.

"I'm fine."

The word "fine" wasn't out of my mouth yet when he started a swifter rhythm. 

We're both panting now, the buildup between us getting heavier by the second.

Lahat ng problema o pagsisi ay tinanggal ko muna sa isipan ko. Ang tanging nandito sa mundo sa oras na ito ay ako lang at si Seth.