My Lover is the Son of a Mafia Leader

.54

Author's Note: Flashbacks are in Italic. 

TRIGGER WARNING: MENTAL HEALTH; PTSD AND SELF HARM. 

.54

I stared at the vast ocean before me. The full moon shining above the night sky and the ripples of water makes a sound as it hits the rocks below.

They said oceans cover around 70% of the Earth's surface. We only have explored 5% of the world's ocean, and I think it's beautiful and scary.

There's a lot more to be discovered.

When I was a kid, I thought it would be cool to be a mermaid. I can swim and travel around the world without paying a single cent, without worrying about delayed flights, being stranded, and the ocean is mine to explore. Mine to discover. Mine to love.

Most importantly, I am free.

Free from all of these pain and heartaches. I just wanted to be free. And the ocean will help me. I'm sure of it, I don't know what will happen afterward, but I'm sure it will be quick. I won't even fight it. Instead, I'll embrace the water.

It was easy to lose hope in the ocean's vastness, but at the bottom, I'll find relaxation, rest, tranquility, and peace. It's all I've ever wanted.

I stared at the water below is calm, steady, and ready to take me anytime. Without much thought, I spread my arms like a bird and raised my head to face the sky. I took a deep breath, and stared at the moon, whispered, "Give me peace."

I edged myself towards the cliff and looked down below. It should scare me, many things could go wrong, but I am not scared. I don't feel tense and anxious; rather, I am looking forward to the ocean below welcomes me.

And without much of a thought, with my arms spread like a bird, I jumped. As soon as my feet left the ground, my eyes see nothing below but 50-feet of air and a blanket of the ocean, so dark and beautiful.

I closed my eyes as I fall through the seemingly endless sky, just the air, and the view. I don't know how hard the impact will be when I hit the water, but I hope it'll be enough to give me the peace I've wanted since I got here.

"Skyla!"

I heard a voice. Maybe it was Kev's? Or Tessa's? I'm so sorry. I know you two have been doing your best to help me. To make me feel better. To make me feel okay. I'm thankful for everything they have done for me, but it's not working.

Nothing is going to fix me. I'm broken.

I can't be fixed.

I don't know how long has it been since I jumped, but it seems like it has been forever. I'm still in the air, mentally counting the distance between the cliff and the water since I made my jump... and suddenly, the touch of water I've been waiting for strikes me.

When I opened my eyes, everything was dark blue. I didn't feel anything. I didn't hear anything. It was just quiet in blue. I felt the cold-ocean water enveloping me, and my body instincts woke up, and the urge to swim back the surface is robust.

My head is pounding, and my body is screaming for oxygen. In the movies, drowning is loud, splashy, and dramatic, but drowning is quiet in reality. Movements are slow, and they rarely make noises at all.

Every cell in my body wants to breathe the fresh air again, and I feel like my head is about to explode. I thought I'd be scared, but my heart and mind are surprisingly calm, serene, and tranquil.