the strawberry dress | harry styles

13: comments

harry was my first proper boyfriend.
not a dickhead who led me on or someone who wanted to mess around...a real boyfriend.

And let me tell you he was such a fucking angel.

i started sleeping with him in his bed a few weeks into our relationship as i struggled to fall asleep and having him hold me just helped a lot. he always woke up earlier than me (AT SIX AM) but never made noise or disturbed me. sometimes he would go out to the shops and when i woke up he would be waiting, with a surprise for me. he literally SPOILED me and i told him he didn't need to but he insisted. it was small things like a baby cucumber or my favourite drink or even just a small token that he thought i would like.

i started leaving harry cute drawings under his pillow when he was out all day doing press or work. i loved to draw and was doing graphic design in uni and i even started showing off my amazing cooking skills and making dinner for when he came back tired. we'd cook and bake together and dance around the kitchen laughing together - and yes we kissed in the kitchen like its a dance floor.

we were a pretty great team you could say.

and well the fans caught on eventually. i'd be out with harry and within a few hours there were pictures of us two online. harry always kept his relationships private. from time to time maybe i'd post a cute story of him but that was it really and because harrys fan knew we were official of course they went diving into my life. thank god i didn't put my personal life on social media but they found my jewellery shop and sales came in fast. it was unbelievable.

well, it wasn't all so perfect.

these people will say they love harry and you should treat people with kindness. then send  unkind comments your way. i hadn't told harry - i didn't plan to either. i didn't think it was a big deal but harry had noticed how distant i'd become and how insecure i was feeling. i stopped sleeping in his bed. i stopped wearing his clothes. i stopped the affection and drawings.

"are you okay love?" my boyfriend asked me as i sat on my floor colouring in a tiger i had drawn. my hair was clipped back into a pony tail and i wearing a oversized hoodie and shorts despite it being a hot day. i nodded nervously and didn't look at him.
"you don't seem okay" he sat in front of me and pried the pad and pen out of my small hands. i didn't have it in me to look him in the eye.

"is there anything you wanna tell me?" he asked. i shrugged, looking at my hands. he slipped his own warm ones into mind.
"gemma showed me at the hate comments"

fuck.
"why didn't you tell me?" he asked sadly.
"i-i thought i could handle it" i whispered.
"love you should talk to me about these things"
"i mean...theyre not wrong" i replied. "why are you even with me harry? im not tall or cool. im not even pretty. i don't have a big career. im no one special"
sadness filled harrys eyes.
"youre special to me. okay,  I keep every single one of your drawings because they mean so much to me. okay you're not tall or famous, so fucking what? you like me and i like you so much and thats what matters. not what anyone else thinks:"

"im sorry" i said quietly.
"don't be" he said as he pulled me into his arms. "it'll get easier my love. i promise"