the strawberry dress | harry styles

17: opening up

i sat on my bed crying quietly. harry was downstairs trying a new recipe while i sat there with my unfinished uni work. i was going back soon and was not prepared and all i was wearing was harrys hoodie and my jeans. i really had to get it done but i didn't have it in me .

"baby ive made some lunch!" harry walked in to see tears streaming down my cheeks. "bad day?" he asked.
"im so stressed out about all of this" i sighed.
he sat beside me and cupped my face with his hands, wiping away the salty tears.
"what about you have something to eat then i'll help you with your work?" he suggested.
"i-im not hungry" i mumbled. i was but i couldn't bring myself to eat. or even move.
"you want anything to drink?"
"uhh...orange juice?" i said quietly.
"i'll go get you some" he kissed my forehead gently and headed downstairs. i hated it when i felt like shit.

he came back with orange juice and two plates with pasta - one for him and one for me.
"incase you feel like eating" he said, putting them on the table. he gave me the juice and started flipping through my work.
"you're so good at drawing love" he smiled softly. he explained it in an easier way which made me understand it more and even let me draw him. My brain really should give me a break.
"just get my good side" he joked.
"you look good everywhere" i replied as i stared at his face before turning back to my sketchbook. he chuckled and put on some of my favourite music to brighten my mood a bit.

i did a bit of work then tried to eat but i couldn't bring myself to. i just downed my orange juice and coloured my drawing of harry in with my pencils while real harry sang softly under his breathe, as he played with my hair. but then, i just started crying my eyes out again.
"You alright love?" he asked

i turned to face harry and told him everything. tears streamed down my cheeks as the words spilled out of my mouth. it was clear i wasn't over my traumas.

i was abused by a man who i was very close to. i hadn't told anyone but it all made sense why i was the way i was: why i overthought, why i would shake a lot, my trust issues, anxiety, crying...i was terrified and vulnerable. i thought i didn't care anymore but really, i did. Being close to Harry scared me for a while because he could easily hurt me like my friend did.

"my darling im so sorry you had to go through that. i promise you i'll never let that happen to you again" he kissed my forehead gently and let me sob into his chest. "i would never do anything to hurt you"
"i know" i sniffled. harry looked relieved when i said that - he knew i had trust issues so i guess he was glad i trusted him. "i just hate that i randomly remember what happened...i just wanna forget"