Invisible String

Chapter 7 - Girl at Home

I recoiled, surprised, and she followed my lips as if hers were tethered to my own. She pressed harder against them and reached her arm around my back and pulled me towards her. I flinched but didn't shove her away. Instead, I kissed her back.

Kissing Sandra was different than I'd pictured it once upon a time. She tasted sweeter, like candy. And her lips were softer, but not too gentle. No, she certainly wasn't gentle as she pushed me against the couch and unbuttoned the first button on my pajama top. I pulled away from her mouth and she looked at me with half-closed eyes.

"Sandra, we shouldn't," I said as she smirked and leaned in again. I put my hands on her shoulders and pressed gently before standing. I sat on the couch and put my head in my hands. "I can't do this. I'm sorry."

I looked up to see her leaning before me, concern on her face, but lust still there, too.

"Is it because we're friends? Because it doesn't matt–"

I held up a hand for her to stop and shook my head. "It's not that, Sandra. You're in a relationship and I am, too. We can't–"

"Oh, really, that's what you'd call it? A relationship?" Sandra got up from her knees and started pacing. She continued, "You have a two-day relationship with a guy you dumped over a year ago. I've known you my whole life."

"You're in a relationship, too!" I said, raising my voice more than I'd meant to. "Sandra, you have a girlfriend back home. Who lives with you. I can't do this."

She shook her head and mumbled something under her breath.

"What?"

She faced me and said, "Tell me you didn't feel anything when I kissed you."

"It's not that, I already told you." I stood, then went to get closer to her, but she shook her head.

"I've been in love with you for a decade, Hannah. A decade of watching you jump from guy to guy, then the occasional girl, but nothing ever stuck. And I knew it wouldn't. Because they didn't get you. Not a single one of them. But I always have, Hannah. I've always been here for you. I've loved you for as long as I can remember, but you've been too blind to ever fucking see it."

I stumbled backward, my breath catching in my throat.

"Sandra, I didn't know–I... I'm sorry." I met her tear-filled eyes. "Why didn't you ever say anything?"

She shrugged, her cheeks beginning to glisten as she spoke, "I thought this would be it. I was always waiting for the perfect moment and... well, it never came. So, tonight, I just, I went for it."

"But you have a girlfriend, Sandra, I don't understand why you thought now would be a good time."

"We broke up," she said, her arms crossing her chest.

"What? When? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because, Hannah, I didn't want you to pity me. That's not why I came out here. You were so happy about Alex," she paused and rolled her eyes. "I just, I couldn't tell you after I found out."

"I'm sorry, Sandra," I said, reaching out for her, but she pulled away.

"No, I'm sorry, Hannah. This was stupid. I never should've come," she said, briefly looking at me before turning and wiping her cheeks as she rushed to the guest room.

I started to follow her when someone knocked on the door.

"Goddammit," I said while stopping and debating whether or not to ignore it.

As I went to take another step forward, the knocker said, "Is this a bad time?"

I turned on my heel and quickly unlocked the door and opened it.

Alex stood there with a sideways smile, a bag in one hand, and a bouquet of roses in the other.

"Sorry, I know you guys were having a girls night, but," he stopped when he really looked at my face. Worry spread across his own and that's when I realized I was crying. "What's going on? Are you okay?"

"What are you doing here, Alex?"

He shook his head, surprised by my reaction and lack of an answer.

"What am I doing here? I was going to surprise you, Han. What's going on?"

I turned away from him and walked over to the couch and plopped down, my head in my hands.

"Hannah?"

Tears rolled down my cheeks and my back heaved as I lost control.

Alex's hand laid on my back. "Please, tell me what's going on."

"It's... well, it's complicated. But... Sandra, she kissed me..." I turned to him and he was clearly confused. "I didn't want to do anything with anyone else. Not last night at the club and not now with her. I only want you."

He was still anxious, but he forced on a half-smile anyway. "I'm delighted to hear that. Now, why are you so upset? I mean, I can tell you've been drinking a bit today," he said, brushing hair from my face as he smirked at me. "Did she say why she kissed you?"

"Yes," I said, then paused. "Apparently, I'm a major idiot, and she's had feelings for me for a really long time."

I glanced over at him and his eyebrows rose, then he tilted his head a little as he considered it.

"I've gotta say, you'd make a helluva couple."

"Stop," I said, shoving his arm.

"Is she here?" he asked, dropping his voice.

"Yeah," I said, nodding towards the guest room.

"Are you guys... okay?"

I shook my head, my voice caught in my throat.

"She's really upset, and I... I don't know what to do. I love her, but she's my best friend and I don't... I don't feel that way about her. Especially right now, when all I have are feelings for, well... for you."

He put a hand on my back and pulled me close.

"What do I do now?" I asked him as he rubbed small circles. "How do we get past this? What if we can't?" My voice breaks on the last word. I can't imagine my life without Sandra in it.

"I don't know, Han," he said, kissing my head. "But you have been friends for so long, I'm sure you'll find a way to work through this."

Just then, the guest room door opened and Sandra hurried out, all of her stuff piled hastily in her arms.

I stood up, Alex right beside me. She looked from me to him, then swallowed hard before speaking.

"I'm leaving," she paused, looked down at her feet, and continued, "Hannah, I'm sorry. I made a big mistake coming here. Now... with everything going on." She glared at the floor for a moment longer, then turned her scowl to Alex. "I fucked up. I missed my chance. The fact that you're getting a second one is... fucking insane. Don't blow it. Don't lose her again."

"Sandra, you don't have to go."

"Yes, I do. I can't... I don't want to be here. I can't. I'm sorry, Hannah. But I love you." She shrugged with fresh streaks of mascara running down her cheeks. She turned away, her shoulders falling as she walked out the open front door.