Invisible String

Chapter 45 - The Last Time

"Hello?" He asked into the phone.

I heard a muffled version of Alex's voice come through the speaker, but I couldn't make out his words. My heart sank deep into my chest. My body shook, and tears felt imminent.

"She's here, just a second." Jaiden put his hand over the speaker and held the phone out for me. He whispered, "Hannah, just talk to him."

"I can't," I said, tears streaming down my face. "I don't want to."

His jaw tightened, and he took in a sharp breath, then put the phone back up against his ear, staring at me. "She says she doesn't want to talk to you."

He nodded at whatever Alex was saying, then reached out to give me the phone again. When I wouldn't take it, he set it on the nearby dresser and said, "I'm going to step out for a minute. Please, for me. Just talk to him."

While he walked towards the door, I turned and asked him angrily, "Why are you pushing this?"

The pain was visible in his eyes, in his face, as he turned around to say, "Because you need to let go of him."

"Jaiden," I protested, but he walked out without looking at me again. I stood there, dumbfounded. And then I heard Alex say my name from my phone speaker.

I picked up the phone hesitantly and pressed it against my ear. It took a moment, but then he said, "Hannah if you're there, you need to know how sorry I am."

"I don't want to talk to you, Alex," I said, attempting to keep my voice level. I failed.

"Han, I never meant to hurt you. You have to believe me, please."

I shook my head, tears streaming down my face. "I can't do this with you," I said, voice thoroughly shaking with regret and anger.

"What she did to you, it was completely unacceptable. Pushing you like that. She shouldn't have–"

"Alex! I said I can't do this with you!" I shouted into the phone, crying.

"Hannah, please. I know I should have told you. I know that. It was stupid of me not to. Selfish and inconsiderate. I am so sorry."

I bit my lip hard, trying to keep myself from completely falling apart. Why was I reacting like this? It was halfway through August. We'd been done for six months. And I'd moved on. I'd found love again. I was happy. Why shouldn't he be? I shook my head, furious with myself and with the whole situation.

"Hannah, I'm sorry," he said, his voice cracking.

"Don't," I said, wiping away tears from my cheeks and pulling myself out of whatever I'd let myself get dragged down into. "Don't be sorry, Alex. You deserve to be happy."

I sniffled, and he stayed silent for a minute. Then he said, "So do you, Hannah."

"I am," I said, a very tiny smile pushing itself onto my lips.

"Good. That makes me very happy to hear," he said, but his voice wasn't very convincing.

"Alex, I feel like I should apologize, too." He didn't say anything. I think he thought I should, too. "This thing with Jaiden. I swear I didn't know it would happen while we, you and I, were together. It just happened, and I promise you, falling for him... well, it wasn't intentional."

There was a long pause, and I said, "Alex?"

I heard him sigh as he asked, somewhat bitterly, "You love him?"

I paused, not wanting to cause Alex the same pain. But decided that he deserved the truth. "I do. I love him."

He was silent on the other side of the phone. So quiet that I thought he might have hung up. Was he possibly as hurt as I had been? As I was?

"I'm sorry," I said, sincerely apologizing for everything that had gone down between us.

"You deserve better," he said. Then the call disconnected.

I groaned angrily. How could he? Call me to tell me how sorry he was, then turn around and tell me that I deserved better. "Ugh!" I grumbled as I slammed my phone down on the dresser.

He had no right. Jaiden made me happy. I made him happy. We loved each other. He knew nothing about Jaiden. Just as I hadn't six months ago.

I grabbed the hotel room keycard as I walked out of the room and into the hallway. Jaiden was leaning on the wall outside of our door. His legs were bent up in front of himself, and his arms were crossed on his knees. His fingers were tracing different tattoos on his arms.

I slid down the wall beside him and sat similarly. "Do you ever miss your skin?" I asked, watching his fingers.

"I still have skin, Hannah."

"I know, I just mean, don't you ever just miss the bare skin. The way it used to be?"

"I don't have any regrets," he said, looking over at me. His eyes were glossed over. He'd obviously been trying to keep his emotions holed up inside. I ran my fingers through his hair, and he turned towards me, leaning his side against the wall. "But I wonder if you can say the same thing."

"Jaiden, I love you," I reached out and grabbed his hand, holding on to it tightly.

"I know that, Hannah. I do. But you still love him, too," he looked away from me and down at the floor. "You wouldn't be hurting so badly if you didn't."

"Jaiden–"

He looked back at me and squeezed my hand. "Hannah, I'm not fighting with you. I just need you to be honest with yourself if we're going to make it. I can live with the fact that you're still in love with your ex. I can. But what I can't do is live with this ticking time bomb looming over us. I don't want to just be your rebound. I don't want to be the guy who helps you move on. I want to be the one that you move on to. The one that you could see a future with. I want more than what he got, Hannah. I want a chance."