Invisible String

Chapter 35 - Sparks Fly

It was the beginning of May when I finally let him come into my apartment for the first time. We'd spent the day at Coney Island, and he'd won me a massive stuffed pink rabbit and a bunch of other items, so I needed help getting it all upstairs. We ambled to the elevator, not saying anything to each other.

We rode up to my floor, and he got off quickly, looking down. "Can I guess which one is yours?"

I walked passed him and said, "You could, but if you guess it right, I'd be freaked."

"Why?" He smiled, jeering me in the side with his elbow softly. "Maybe I'm just a good guesser."

I snickered and mumbled, "Doubt it."

He followed me, side-by-side until we reached my door—the number 717 written in cursive metal under the peephole.

"So this is it?" He smiled. "I'm actually a little nervous."

I shook my head and unlocked the door, then opened it wide enough to enter and kicked it shut behind us. He stood by the door, looking around while taking off his shoes on the mat.

"It's cute."

I looked back at him and said, "Cute?"

"It's small. Modest."

"Expensive as shit, too."

He smiled and winked at me. "It's not like you don't have the money."

I went down the hall, and he followed behind me slowly. We entered my room, and I set the bagful of stuffed animals and mini-posters on the bed.

"We got quite the loot."

"Uh-huh," he mumbled, looking around the room at my clothes strewn about, and he swallowed, backing up into the hallway after ditching the giant stuffed animal on my bed. "I should go," he pointed his thumb towards the exit.

"You sure you don't want to stay for a nightcap?"

"A drink?" he asked as he reached the other side of my hallway wall. "No, I should go. I have an early morning tomorrow."

"Oh, really?" I asked, following him out and stood a foot away from him. He nodded. "You don't have to go, Jaiden."

He nodded again and looked away to my living room. "I just... I don't want to do something. You know, that might make you mad or something."

"Like try and kiss me again?"

He nodded once, still avoiding looking at me.

I reached out my hand and put it on his arm. "I trust you. And I didn't get mad before. I just wasn't ready for that."

"I know." He looked at my hand on his arm, then up at me. "I don't want to push you away by trying too hard again."

"We've been doing well at this simple, casual-friend thing. Taking it slow has worked. I need time, though, to go anywhere else, you know? Things started off rocky with us. And everything with... well, you know." He nodded, still looking into my eyes. "I need time. And you've been amazing about it. So I do trust you to not do something stupid." I smiled at him, and he half-smiled back, still scared.

I leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. He leaned into it, his jaw tightening. My lips lingered, and he put his hands on my shoulders, then moved them up to my face, cupping it. I pulled back a little bit, and our lips were an inch apart.

"I don't want this to be something you regret," he said. "I want this to be something you'll remember. And that you'll like to remember. That's why I want to wait, too."

"We can start slow," I said, as I leaned forward, attempting to press my lips on his.

However, he pushed back on my shoulders and maneuvered away from me to the side. He rushed down the hallway and straight out the front door. I followed after him, and he was almost to the elevator when I shouted out, "Al–"

I choked on my word, and he stopped for a second, his back to me, then walked on to the elevator and stared down at the floor as he pressed the button to take him away.

I walked back into my apartment, furious with myself, slamming the door behind me. Everything in the room shook on the walls as the shake vibrated through the building.

"Fuck!" I shouted, kicking the nearby table, sending the fake flowers flying to the ground.

I cried as I cleaned them up. What was I doing? I had no idea. But my feelings for Jaiden had become increasingly more apparent the more time I spent with him. And he'd become a regular part of my days over the last few weeks. We texted and talked on the phone throughout the days when we couldn't see each other, and when we could, we went out and did amazing things like go to carnivals, amusement parks, and other things that I hadn't done in a very long time. Things that I hadn't done since I was a kid. But it felt nice. And I was happy with him. And for some reason, I wasn't even afraid to be.

I got out my phone and texted him.

Me: I'm so sorry.

I waited, sitting on the floor next to the table, and he didn't text back for a while, but then he did, and the terrible feeling inside of me started to fade away slowly.

Jaiden: Don't be. I know you've been through a lot.

A feeling that I hated to admit to myself began to replace the terrible one. I actually liked Jaiden. A lot more than I'd anticipated.