Invisible String

Chapter 46 - Clean

Jaiden and I had been back home in New York for a few weeks, but things had been different since the incident with Alex. While we were still affectionate and good to each other, it was almost as if there was a lingering problem hanging out with us wherever we went. Of course, all of the gossip rags went on about me walking out of an interview "in tears," when Alex was brought up. Jaiden had been good about it like he had been about everything. He, for the most part, ignored them and the things that they said about us. But sometimes, when we'd be out, walking around and he'd see something about us, I'd notice his eyes stay on it for a few seconds before snapping back to reality.

Paul called me in the middle of September with news about the international tour, in that there wasn't going to be one now.

"What do you mean it's not selling enough?" I said, irritated, alone in the kitchen. "It's been a best seller since it released, Paul."

"Yes, it has, but it's wavering at the bottom of that list. Already," he emphasized.

"But it's made so much money. Hell, it set records in the horror genre!"

"I know, Hannah. But the higher-ups feel that it's not worth wasting money going on a tour if it's already beginning to falter."

"But couldn't that help to increase sales, increase publicity and whatnot?" I sat down, tired, at the island counter.

"Possibly, but nothing's guaranteed."

"So, that's it? No overseas tour?"

"No, I'm sorry, Hannah. We're done advertising."

I nodded and said goodbye, then hung up and laid my head down in my arms. Jaiden was out running, and I was alone in the house. Over the last few weeks, we'd been spending less and less time together as he started to record a new album and meet with people about repairing his image.

I got up from the counter and went over to the couch and grabbed my purse. I scribbled out a small note for Jaiden that I'd be back later and left it on the coffee table, then put on shoes and a light jacket and left.

Going down the elevator, I thought about all the changes in my life over the last year. My grandpa was gone. Alex and I weren't even talking. Jaiden and I were in a weird place. Whatever friendship I had started with James was lost in space. I'd changed publishers, my book had failed by the new publisher's standards, and now I felt lost all over again.

I took a taxi across town to my apartment and ran up to the familiar, but dearly missed home of mine. I hadn't been there in at least two weeks, and even when I had, I hadn't spent much time there.

I unlocked the door and entered. It was cold, and it felt a lot emptier than before. I walked over to the couch and sat down, gripping the cushions tightly on either side of my legs.

My phone vibrated in my pocket, and I pulled it out and set it on the table. It was Jaiden. I didn't know what to say to him now. Just like I hadn't known what to say to him when he'd been so calm about whatever residual feelings inside of me that were left for Alex. What could I have said to that? He was right, I thought. But I did love him—both of them. And for entirely different reasons.

Alex was exciting and sexy. He surprised me and scared me. We fought and screamed at each other, but we loved each other, too. And with Jaiden, things were simple. They were good, I was happy. I felt comfortable and safe around him. He was good to me, he treated me better than I deserved, and I loved him. But he needed me to let go of Alex. And I wasn't sure how to do that. Because I hadn't even realized that I'd been hanging on.

I got up from the couch and into my bedroom. At first, I had no idea why I'd come back to my home. But as I looked around the room at the different reminders, it became clear. I swept through the room, picking up all of the things that I'd received from Alex. The things that reminded me of him, tickets to movies, passes from awards shows, clothes, and jewelry that he'd bought for me. Or his clothes that laid scattered in piles in my closet or on hangers.