Invisible String

Chapter 9 - Begin Again

I returned to my room to lay down and wound up dozing off. I woke up later, around one in the afternoon and called Alex. Shortly after we got off the phone, he came over.

We went out for dinner later that night. It was a quiet place, and we ate in a closed-off room for privacy. Afterward, we snuck past the paparazzi through the back exit of the restaurant and went to a beautiful, indoor garden. It was late and already dark out; way past closing time for the park. But we didn't care.

Okay, I did a little.

"Alex, maybe we should go back to my place now?" I asked him as my fingers twitched nervously, intertwined with his.

We stood face to face in a small gazebo that sat before the pond in the middle of the vast dome. Alex touched my hair and ran his fingers through it softly, then kissed me. His lips felt like a drug, something that I needed. Something that I wanted. Every second that I was with him, I wanted them. But it wasn't until they touched my own that I knew why. Every time we kissed, it hit me all over again. When we kissed, it was like a powerful series of shocks ran through my body. Something beautiful and irresistible. And when he pulled away, it felt like I'd lost my lifeline—each and every time.

He grabbed my dress and pulled me towards him, his desire evident as he pressed against me. I wrapped my arms around the back of his head, pulling his mouth as close to mine as it could possibly get. He lifted my legs up, and I wrapped them around his hips. He sat me down on the gazebo, lifted up my dress, and hastily pushed my underwear aside with one hand while his other unzipped his slacks, and released his member. Within a second, he was thrusting into me, his hands on either side of my face while he kissed me overpoweringly.

I ran my hands down his back and dug my nails into it through his shirt. He moaned into my mouth, and my hands moved upwards and grabbed his hair. I pulled his head away from me for a moment so I could catch my breath, and he groaned as he continued to push in and out of me. I leaned backward, and he held onto my shoulders tightly, kissing down my neck. He freed my breasts and wrapped an arm around my shoulders to hold me up while his other hand groped my chest gently.

We finished a while later, then cleaned up with a couple napkins from my purse. After, he kissed my forehead then slowly pulled away.

I stared into his eyes, my lips turned upward. "Alex... I'm really enjoying this."

He smirked, "The sex?"

"Well, that, too. But also spending time with you and doing this. Us. This whole thing."

"I'm glad to hear that," he leaned forward and kissed my cheek. "I'm enjoying it, too."

My smile weakened and I saw the realization sweep over his face, and my chest hurt watching it happen. "Don't assume the worst, please. I just want us to take it slow, you know. I said that already."

He took in a quick breath and shook his head slowly, "Yeah, I remember. But what is this then? We're screwing? That's it? Nothing more?"

"That's not what I'm saying–"

"What is this? Are we in an alternate dimension where I'm the clingy bitch at your feet?"

I recoiled at his sudden harsh words and anger. "What?"

He ran a hand over his face and shook his head again, "Dammit, that's not what I meant. I just, I'm not that person. I'm not the one who runs after someone else who doesn't want them, so this is really different for me, okay? I don't want to chase you, Hannah. I don't want to play games. I'm not a kid anymore, Hannah. I want to be with you. I've made that very clear. But you, what you want, I don't understand. You seem to like the dates, all the time together, the fact that I'm moving out here, the fucking sex, but what, you just don't want to commit? Why?"

"I don't know what I want!"

"That part is pretty fucking clear."

"I don't want to be official. I don't want a statement made. I don't want paparazzi following us everywhere we go. I don't want to Instagram our love affair, I don't want to tweet about it or make a Facebook status about it. I just want to be us. Together, that's it. I don't want the rest of the crap that goes along with being official."

"This is my life, Hannah! I can't stop being followed around. Don't you think I would if I could? So you either want me and all that comes along with me, or you don't."

I stood still, staring into his eyes, which were red and on the verge of tears. I couldn't handle man-tears. That would kill me. I bit my lip and sighed.

"We can't be official. We can be together, we can go out... carefully, and we can be together, but I don't want it to be official. Not yet. I'm not ready for that again. I'm sorry."

He turned his head, hurt, and irritated. "I don't want to lose you, Hannah. So I can't walk away." He turned back and looked me in the eyes, "Even though that's what I'd like to do. Because I don't know how you're going to handle this. But I'm selfish, Hannah. And I want you. So we'll do it on your terms. If you want to wait to make it publically official, then we will. But this is it, this is the moment I'm making it perfectly clear that to me, you're my girlfriend. It's official to me."

"Okay, that's fine. So you're my boyfriend. Unofficially official." I grinned at him, and a slow smile spread across his face as I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him.

We padded to his car, arms wrapped around one another. The drive was louder, though, with traffic everywhere and loud music blaring from the stereo. It was a nice change.

When we got back to my place, we fooled around some more and went to bed shortly afterward.