𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐘 - (Anakin x Reader)

𝟐𝟔 - 𝐃𝐚𝐫𝐤𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬

2 months later

"And that's a new Jedi record!" Zac stood on the viewing balcony of the main training room, stopwatch in his hand, impressed smirk on his face.

I bent over to rest my hands on my thighs and regain my breath.

"200 target droids in 1 minute. wow. that's my girl"

My sandy blonde haired boyfriend jumped down from the balcony and came over to give me a kiss on the cheek.

after...Anakin's death, I didn't have the emotional strength to deny Zac's flirtatious advances. I was too numb too care anymore. I must admit though, he had changed. He wasn't the person from the gala so long ago anymore.

My face remained in the same expressionless gaze as my mind travelled out of the training room and into the medical surgery room, to the memory Anakin's lifeless body. screaming. blood. darkness.

Zac shook me back to reality "hey? (y/n)? any normal jedi would be pretty happy right about now"

"mmh? oh- yes, sorry. yayy new record" I attempted to sound pleased

"I'm suprised the council haven't granted you the rank of knight yet"

"mmm, well the council and I aren't on the best terms at the moment. They did lock me in a safety isolation room for three weeks straight with the only human contact being from an automated stay calm message every other day" I retorted grimly remembering the traumatic experience.

He fell silent, searching for a response.

Dabbing away the sweat from my forehead with a towel and unrolling the white wrap from my hands, I turned from Zac and began to leave for my room.

"so i'll see you later?" he called out from behind

"umm, yeah, probably"

I could feel his sigh of disappointment as I exited the training room.

All he wanted was a bit of compassion, a bit of enthusiasm from me towards our relationship, if that's what this even was. But what did he really expect? he and the whole Jedi order knew of mine and Anakin's not so secret relationship now and how it had changed me, changed everything.

I had switched off any real emotions after his death. I didn't speak to anyone for days, I still don't really talk to anyone except for Padme and Zac now. I channelled my grief into my training, I would take out thousands of target droids a day and refused my bodies pleads for rest until I literally collapsed from exhaustion.

Not only had I changed mentally, but physically too.

From all the exercise, I'd lost some weight and gained some curves. I'd adapted into darker, more fitting clothes, purple was my colour at the moment. I grew my hair out and wore it in my usual slick high ponytail, the tips reached past my shoulders and just brushed my lower back.

I hadn't intended to have any big physical transformation but from the astonished looks I would get in the hallways now, I guess I hadn't noticed how much I'd changed over these past months.

After his death, I found myself practically living in Anakin's room, I don't know when or how but at some point in the grieving stage, I had moved into his old room.

Everything in there smelt like him, it haunted and comforted me at the same time. I would stand out on his balcony for hours on end watching the Coruscant sunset like we would together so many evenings, talking about our past, future and everything in between.

There wasn't a night I wouldn't cry myself to sleep, the pillows begged for air as they drowned in my tears. I missed him so much.

After getting out of the shower and dressing into my nightdress, I was about to go to the balcony for my daily sunset-watch when a knock came from door. Turning 90 degrees on my heels, I slowly ambled to the door and twisted the handle open.

"I brought dinner! noticed you hadn't been coming to the dining room much anymore so I thought I'd bring it to you" Zac smiled, pleased with himslef as he bustled past me and began to set down the food on the table.

"oh Zac, that's so sweet" I managed to form a weak smile as I moved over to help him unpack the food.

A few hours passed as we spoke and I manged to stomach the large meal he had brought. What had been a light-hearted, easy conversation suddenly turned into a more somber one as Zac began to nervously stare down at his empty plate

"(y/n), I- I just wanted to say...I'm so sorry for what happened that night at the gala. I assure you that's not who I am anymore"

The flashback of him trying to rip my dress from my body and aggressively holding my arms back wiped into my mind but as quickly as it came, it disappeared once again. Zac had changed a lot since that night and besides, Anakin had been there at the time to save me like he alwasy would.

"It's ok, Zac. I know" my hand travelled over to his and grasped it reassuringly.

He chuckled to himself for a second "who thought a sith could grow to become such a strong and mature Jedi. and a beautiful one at that"

He pushed his seat back and stood up, still holding my hand as he pulled me over to the couch and sat me down beside him.

I wondered what would happen next as our eyes explored each others faces. He slowly and gently leant in and placed a kiss on my lips. For a moment, just a moment , I kissed him back. But the memories of Anakin flooded in again like they always would and I felt guilty, as I knew it wasn't Zac I wanted to be kissing.

Pushing back and tightening my face in embarrassment, I pulled away "I can't, I'm sorry"

He nodded and also backed away slightly "I understand"

I looked back up into his emerald green eyes, his face glowed in the sunlight. Pushing away a strand of hair that had fallen over his eyes, I sighed "you deserve someone better than me"

He smiled and shook his head. Standing up from the couch, he grabbed his things "goodnight (y/n)" and then he shut the door behind him.

Left alone with my thoughts once again,

the light of the city gradually faded into darkness.

the light faded into darkness.

a/n

I know you're here for the Anakin romance so let me just say one thing...don't give up yet.