The Hooded Beauty

The Search

I try to speak but I physically can't and even if I could, what would I say? They have a conversation while I go down a mental rabbit hole. Is it bad that I don't feel guilty?

"Did you kill him?" I say to my father before even realising that I was talking.
"No" my dad states.
"Did I kill him?" I ask unsure if I want to know the answer.
"Yes" fuck. I killed a person, it was self defence but I never thought I would do that in my lifetime. I stare at the floor in disbelief.
"Do you know why he attacked me, I know that he was trying to rape me but why?" I'm still very confused about all of this. I feel like there's more to this, there has to be.

Benny was always the quiet nice kid, we've never been friends though. He's never made advances towards me, we've never even had a conversation. He was quiet and I was quiet, he was just always around Jace, they're close friends, probably one of Jace's best friends. I feel bad for Jace, his friend just died, because of me.

I need to find him, I leave the office without saying goodbye or saying where I was going. I head next door to Jace's house, I walk up the driveway after getting buzzed in by security at the gate. Hank the security guard opens the front door for me, he's looking as miserable as ever but then he looks up at my face and looks shocked.

"Are you on Kady? You look a right stare, do you need help?" He says, I never knew he felt empathy, he's always been this stone faced blunt man, it's refreshing to see him like this and I realise I shouldn't have judged him.

"I'm fine thank you, just had a rough few hours, do you know where Jace is by any chance?" I ask him nicely.
"I haven't seen him since he left for school this morning, I can try get hold of him if you want?" He says casually.
"No, it's alright, I'll find him, thank you anyway, I appreciate it" I say as I turn around to walk away.
"Take care and stop getting into trouble" he shouts at me. I laugh as I carry on walking.

I'm confused as to where he has vanished to. As I walk onto my driveway again, I realise that his car isn't here, he parked it here after school. I stand there staring at where his car was. Where have you gone Jace Nash? And then it clicks, I know where he is.

I run inside and grab my keys, I hop into my car to go find him. I drive for ten minutes, I park up. The sunset tonight is really pretty, I run down the path hoping that he is here. The waterfall becomes visible through the trees and I run faster while looking around trying to locate him. You have to be here. I stop as I reach the edge, I search for him.

He's not here.

I feel defeated and deflated, I sit down on the edge of the waterfall as my legs dangle over the ledge. I watch the water flow beneath me, I'm so done with today, physically I'm battered and mentally I'm at the bottom of the barrel, nothing good lasts in my life. My life was the best it's ever been, happiest I've ever been, comfortable and safe is what Jace Nash brought me.

"Kady?" Someone says to me from a distance behind me. I shoot my head around anxiously as I don't recognise their voice.

When I see him I leap up and sprint towards him, he runs towards me, when we collide I jump onto him and he catches me.
"Jace, don't scare me like that again" I say as I hold onto him tightly, he puts his head into the crook of my neck, he doesn't reply.

My neck starts to feel wet after a few minutes, I grab his head gently cupping his face, his eyes are red and swollen, he's crying and seems to have been doing it awhile. My heart breaks as I watch him fall to pieces, I wipe the tears that fall from his bloodshot eyes.

"I'm so sorry Jace" I say, he won't even look at me, he tries to put his head into my neck again, so I let him. I rub his back and run my thumb along his cheek and kiss his head. He needs my support and that's exactly what he will get.

Immense guilt for what I've done starts to fill me, I killed his friend tonight. I took a humans life tonight. I don't know if Jace will ever forgive for this, is this what ends us? I don't think I can cope without him. He's my everything. Tears start to prick my eyes but I blink them away, Jace needs me to be strong, so I'll be strong.

"Will you ever forgive me?" I ask him, he finally looks at me and he's confused.
"I don't need to forgive you for anything, I'm sad because of what happened to you, not because of what happened to him" he states and looks away again, I wipe more tears from his eyes, I realise something in this moment.
"Jace, look at me"
"Why?" He's still not looking at me, so I pull his jaw towards me.

"Because I love you"