Spritual Series ♥

♥ Spritual Series Part : 04♥

إِلَى ٱللَّهِ مَرْجِعُكُمْ جَمِيعًا فَيُنَبِّئُكُم بِمَا كُنتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ

To Allah is your return all together; then He will inform you of what you used to do.
~Al Maidah [5:105]

Time was running out of my hand ,as I checked my schedule twice. After grocery shopping, I have to stop by the chemist, then the bakery. I was cursing myself for not having enough sleep at night.

Last night, I sat beside the window, mourning over my life, failures, difficulties and hardships that surrounded me. How life didn't play it's part fair, by people that left me, betrayel, lies, failures, lost opportunities.

I then slept around dawn which caused me to sleep the day off skipping fajr and zuhar ,as usual.

Quickly stashing my wallet in my back pocket I ran downstairs. Before I can walk, my steps faltered. Sudden drowsiness overtook me. My heart thrummed in my chest as my vision turned blurry. I felt, I might pass out any second. Before I can make sense of anything, I was sucked into a black void.

My head was pounding hard as I forcefully opened my eyes, everything was hurting. As my vision slowly started to clear I recognize my brothers and uncle standing around me.

Realisation hit me like a ton of bricks. I was in a hospital bed. Blood pumped in my head. I tried to grip my head but I couldn't move my hands. My right half was completely paralyzed. Confusion and worry took control of my senses.

"What happened?!" I asked in a frantic voice, my heart was crashing against my chest as I thought of every possibility.

"Nothing, you passed out. Just need a little rest." Arham, my brother said, running his fingers through my locks. I looked at everyone around me cautiously. Everyone was worried. Thick tension hung in the air.

"I think I am having a stroke." My voice whipped like a lash, cutting through the thick silence.

"Adnan! You just need to relax, nothing such happened, don't over think." My brother said, pretending everything is, fine.

After that I was lulled into silence , making me more aware of the ongoing inside my entire body, my heart started to pump ferociously as I thought about the consequences.

My vision started to blur, My body felt numb even more, it slowly stated to consume me.

I blinked slowly, trying to process the situation as I stared at the white ceiling. The smell of bleach and chlorine engulfed my senses, I felt numb, very numb.

I wondered, Am I going to Allah? It's the time! It's the time that was decreed for me to leave this material body. I was getting anxious.

What would happened next? What would be the result. . . What would be. . . Will he forgive me. If? If I. . . What if I failed?

If my lord turned his face from me then?! The Hellfire, Oh no. . . I couldn't bare it!! . . . I can not!!

It became more and more harder to breath. My chest rose up and down heavily. It burned my lungs to breath. Things around me stopped making sense.

Flashbacks of my sins started to revolve around me. How my prayers had been missed, ignored, forgotten. The flashbacks of me, wasting time with friends. Drowning in filth and entertainment. Haram relations. Backbiting.The list kept going on

I started to panic even more. My brothers tried to hold my hand, soothing me with their sweet words. But my inner voice shouted at them to go away. Their mercy wasn't what I needed. All I need is Allah to be pleased with me. No one can protect me other than him.

He can do whatever he wills. I was terrified from his wrath. Beads of sweat prickled my forehead.

I couldn't speak, I couldn't cry, I was being slowly pulled in a black abyss. I shouted the kalima, yet it didn't reached my ears.

Ya Rabb forgive me! Ya Rabb forgive me.

I asked over and over again

"Ya rab! I don't have deeds to please you, may be I did something good, please, forgive all my sins on behalf of it. Iam trusting on your mercy alone Ya Rabb!! Protect me from Hellfire. Ya rab! You know those moments when I wanted your connection badly, those desire to meet you!

Ya rab! Please forgive me. Forgive me Forgive me, Ya rab! Forgive me!

. . . .

Laid on the bed was a prone form of a young male.

Mr Adnan had went into comma. We did our best.

♥ ♥ ♥

"We are mere human beings, mistakes and sins are a part of us. We can't remove the 'sin' word from our dictionary. We can only balance it. Yes we do sin, major or minor. We know our faults and shortcomings . But it is important for us to repent before there is no time left. Before God, the almighty called us back. Ask genuine forgiveness from him and take responsibility that 'You will not repeat those sins again'.

When you realise that you're drowning in an ocean of sins and the water had gone above your head, when you want to be free from the burden in anyway possible, Feeling suffocated carrying them for so long. When The guiltyness overtake you. You felt you had oppressed your soul and wanted to wash away every sin. . . Then, It's time to repent.

Just do wudu, pray two rakat and ask genuine forgiveness.

You will feel the burden being lifted from you, a peaceful feeling illuminating your heart. And what can be the best way to feel the divine blessings, than tahajjud.

May Allah purify us of our sins and make our heart content and fulfilled by making us from whom, who are conscious of him. May we strengthen our connection with him.

"O Allah, we ask You for the FAITH that does not falter and BLESSINGS that never end and I beseech You for the company of Prophet Mohammad [Peace be upon him] in the high ranks of Jannah, Garden of Eternity"

♥ Ameen ♥

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