Dipshits in Space: Season 8

88: the Cruise Ship

"Truly amazing how luck works, my good underling." Lawg said kicking his feet up on the console.

"How exactly does it work, again?" asked Marley, turning on the air filtration that the captain turned off by putting his foot on the console.

"Real good, little broski. If you had called at the exact moment the contest was being entered, you could have won too."

"I don't remember you even calling a radio station."

"That's what you call uberluck, or turboluck in German. Sometimes I can win without even playing the game. It's like the universe wants me to win...and also Genro this time and also Malone.

"Still think it's bullshit. I get that you have insane luck, but why can't I go on the cruise ship?"

"Because Marley, unfortunately they have a height limit. Obviously it's discrimination but I'm sure there are safety reasons like a roller coaster or that  hooker with the one big eye."

"That time I just made up the height rule to avoid insulting her. She was horrifying."

"The point is that you do fine without the frills and thrills of the other gender, I don't understand how, but us mortals are mere...mortals, and we have needs. This is a cruise ship, probably 70 percent sugar mommas, Milfs, Gilfs and whatever a Phnebar is. Quite frankly I'm afraid to Google it after the last weird word turned out to be a foot fetish thing. As the Captain and bringer of luck, I feel I deserve this reward that the universe also thinks I deserve. Genro needs to lighten up, stop being so rigid and stuffy. Some quality Genro female action should help, and Malone threatened to hide the weapons of I didn't bring him. It was really an easy choice...by lack thereof."

"It's fine. I didn't really wanna go. Honestly just wanted to be invited for a change, even if it's just to say no and let Malone go."

"And that's exactly what happened. The universe just told you no. I feel for you, but in the end I think it's best you stay behind, because Riea can't do anything useful and Menace eats quarters. If I let you go instead of Malone, the ship would be in Double Jeopardy. They depend on you...Acting Captain Marley."

"That does sound pretty cool. I'm not even mad anymore."

"That's the spirit. Besides, with your adorable charm and those ears, you'd be swarmed by ladies wanting a snuggle and there would be no poon left to fight for. If anything, this is just better for all the other guys who wanted a shot. Nothing personal, it's just good business."

Young Izzy brought original flavor Greg his tablet as he jumped to attention, spilling his coffee and pretending to be already awake.

"Oh hey, just going over some...coffee work." he yawned.

"Greg, I just want you to know I'm proud of you. Working with Greg 9, or Adrian, has really showed me how much of a dick a Greg can really be, and how much you've grown from that. I just want you to know I appreciate what you've sacrificed and the things you've adjusted to. I know you gave up trying to be an evil overlord and rule the universe for me, and settled on being an evil businessman instead. I know it's not as adventurous as waging war, or slaughtering hoards of enemies with a sword over territory like you prefer, but you've really applied yourself to something more practical. Several of your evil businesses are really taking off. I may have ridiculed you and called you a dumb brute in a former life, but since the reboot I've only known this Greg, and this Greg doesn't just use a brute strength, he uses his brute intelligence."