Dipshits in Space: Season 8

89: still cruisin

Lawg frantically darted around the corner, knocking over Malone.

"Dude, what's the rush?" he scoffed.

"The ship dropped out of FTL, there was a code yellow, that's a turbulent flight, which may be a distress call. They might be women." he said trying to take off as Malone stopped him.

"Stop getting your hopes up. What do you think, buncha Swedish swimsuit models had a malfunction and need rescuing? You're not THAT lucky."

"I don't care, I'd be tickled shitless and pink for a female coach over 50 at this point, literally anything that isn't a dude is an improvement."

"Technically yes, I agree. But Lawg, It's a cruise ship. We're probably just picking up a few freighter crewmen who need fuel or something. If there's a woman on that escape pod, don't just hound her because you're horny. She's having a bad enough day as it is being stranded, and then you being here is bad for any woman."

"I know, it's the perfect time to be comforting and the only non-gay on the ship. I can't lose!" he hooted, darting off.

"Yea me and Genro don't count, jackass." Malone sighed.

"Is there a problem?" Genro asked, suddenly wearing a straw and flower hat, sunglasses, and matching Hawaiian print shirt and shorts.

"Na, screw him. We got a casino to dominate."

"I was hoping to attend the evening show as well." Genro nodded.

"I'll probably pass on that, maybe hit the pool on the off-hours for a night swim."

"Are you sure? The have a salsa dancing event. I enjoy both salsa and dancing, and am intrigued as to how they will function together. There is also a well known singer attending, I hear she is very talented."

"It's probably not her, Genro. Most likely a guy in a dress, lip-syncing to the songs."

"I have checked. It is apparently a Latino singer known as Kashara."

"WOMAN?" gasped Lawg, sliding back from wherever he was at the sound of potential female. "Latino woman?" he smirked.

"Yes, I believe. Unfortunately it is a couples event, so it may be required to bring a partner." he informed as Lawg pushed past Malone.

"Genro, you're my plus one beatch. Here's the plan...we're professional poker players from a moon near Rigel. You're my lover...Brad." he said, scheming.

"Captain. I am flattered that you consider me for this event, but I must inform you that I do not care for you romantically."

"Not for real, just to get in the event. It's already a dicked up vacation...no pun intended. If I can score with a foxy, Latino chick on a gay cruise, not only would that make me a legend, but I'd also get to bang a Latino chick, and that's a fortunate turn of events since I'm stranded on a gay cruise. She's a dancer. All I have to do it pretend to be gay, ask her for a dance lesson, next thing we know we're bff's and since I'm gay and her student, she'll feel comfortable taking me under her wing. Then I drop the bombshell."

"You wish to detonate ordinance on the ship?" Genro asked.

"Figurative bombshell, the straight thing...not actual explosives. They don't even allow weapons on this ship, let alone explosives. Trust me, there are no explosives on this ship. The metaphorical bombshell is that I confess that I've never felt feelings for a woman before...because I'm gay, remember? She'll be so flattered and comfortable around me, I'll be in like Flynn."