Dipshits in Space: Season 8

94: Weaponry

Lawg, Marley and Marigold stepped out of the teleporter rings into the innards of the alien ship. Lawg pressed a button on his helmet and retracted the top, folding it into seemingly zero space.

"Dude...what's the point of a suit if you take it off before we know it's safe?"

"I'm gonna be honest with you guys...I thought that was the radio button."

"So is it safe?" Mar asked.

"I don't feel dead." Lawg shrugged.

"Okay, scans are clean and the canary survived so I'd say it's breathable." Mar nodded as the others and himself retracted their helmets."

"Ah, I love that smell." Lawg smirked. "Smells like money."

"Kinda smells like stale air and fuel, but whatevs." Mar yawned.

"Well it doesn't smell like people, or death. It smells like escape pod fuel and unused oxygen. That's the smell of salvage, and salvage smells like money...also old air and fuel but we covered that."

"I wonder what made them abandon their home?" asked Marigold.

"Nobody knows, these things just happen. Engines die, you run out of gas and forget where you parked because things tend to drift in space even with the parking brake on."

"There's no parking break on a spaceship, dude." Mar reminded.

"Really? But...then what the hell do I keep pushing down when we park somewhere?"

"I dunno, but you should definitely stop doing that." Marley reminded. "You're not even allowed to fly the ship anymore. We voted."

"Yea but with Duffy gone, Menace always away, we don't even officially have a pilot. I know Riea is taking the online course, but she's almost as dumb as me."

"Dude, nobody's as dumb as you. Even she's not dumb enough to think there's a parking brake, so that's already an improvement and I feel better with her flying than you." Mar scolded.

Genro opened his eyes, peering up at the ceiling with emotional longing as the violins grew louder. He opened his mouth and took a deep breath as the door beeped and interrupted before he could start the high note on his opera. He paused it, opening the door. Riea stood in the doorway looking annoyed. '

"Genro...where is parking break?" she asked.

Lawg crowbar-luvered the last locker open and smiled to find an alien gun for the collection.

"Oh that's cute, their guns look like little spaceships." He smiled innocently.

"Either that or their spaceships are just massive guns." Mar noted.

"Oh that's way less cute. That's terrifying actually."

"Yea, it's all about perspective. This could really go wither way. If the guns came first then the ships may be just huge honking weapons with some crew and steering attached to... essentially a 13,000 millimeter cannon. If the ships came first, that gun barrel is just perfectly there by coincidence. Given that the design of a massive open chamber in a ship makes little sense without a gun barrel, I'd say the guns came first and they designed their ships after that. That means they are likely a shoot first, "kill em all, sort out the debris" type of species that values weaponry more then literally anything else on the spaceship." he rambled.