Remember Me (My Only Love Sequel)

A Dark Tunnel With No Light

TW: Talks of suicide/self harm.

Dave's P.O.V

It's been a two weeks since John gained his memory back. In that time, he broke things off with Karkat and has been visiting me daily.

Everything's coming up, Milhouse. Or so we say. John is determined to get me out of this place but this seems to be a trickier task than it should be. I am apparently still a flight risk as well as a self-harm risk. Seriously uncool but it's how the wind blows sometimes.

That voice in the back of my head comes and goes. One moment it is telling me to kill myself the next it's telling me that john is faking it all. That he doesn't remember anything and is only doing this because he feels sorry for me. That he blames himself for the way that I am.  It's hard to block out sometimes, but then I look at John and it all disappears.

I look at John and I remember the first time i told him I love him. I remember the trip to the beach and I remember being at the hotel. I remember convincing him that Jade kissed me and that he was only person I love. The only person i will ever love. I see his bright blue eyes and suddenly I am in the clouds.  I feel relaxed and at home, i feel safe and warm.

But someday's, i look at him and I hurt. What we have been through, what I  have put him through. Those days are rough days, i tell ya. Those are the days where the plane crash is in my mind for hours, to the point where i don't even realise I have scratched the living shit out of my arms and legs and blood is everywhere. It's the days where i constantly remember that he forgot about me, and end up clawing my eyes and face during my very little sleep. And it's the nightmares that he will forget me again, that I am nothing to him and that maybe he forgot about me because he secretly loves Karkat and that's why he remembered him. These nightmares are hard man, I wake up and don't even know where I am or who I am and have a breakdown.

Sometimes the bad outweighs the good, and vice versa. But if there's one thing I am absolutely terrified of, it's planes.

Dirk has been pushing us to move to Australia ever since John regained his memory. And i kid you not, he wants to make these arrangements soon as possible. I can understand, he and Jake have postponed their wedding at least 5 times now. Because you know, the one and only Dave Strider has to be the best man. But that means getting on another plane, it means putting John at risk again.

It really means I'll be a terrible fucking boyfriend for putting him on a plane again.

"Dave what on Earth are you thinking about? You've been staring at the wall for 10 very long minutes" John's voice ripped me out of my disassociation. I shook my head to focus on him, my eyesight a little blurry.

"Nothing egbutt, don't-"

"Hey don't call me egbutt!" He flicked my forehead.

"Lmao sorry babe" I smile at him, while he was visibly cross. It won't last though, my smile can make a thousand souls melt, including his. He begins rambling about lord knows what and i start to disassociate again, thinking about planes. About being a terrible boyfriend. I somehow need to bring up the Australian plans with him but i know the little man will freak the fuck out.

I see the psychiatrist later today, I should probably bring it up with him. I'm hoping to get cleared sooner rather than later, it would save john a heck of time coming back and forth. Maybe we should get a house together. Somewhere nice and quiet, like, Ohio or something I don't know. To a place where i don't need to be on a plane to get there.

Damn, we're back on the plane subject. 

"And Dirk said something about moving to Australia. Dave Strider are you even listening to me?" He sounds like an annoyed wife. I go to chuckle but his words sink in and i snap my head towards him.