chance to love | nctpink ff. btsrv

Chapter 32: The Color Red

Joohyun's POV

If I tell you that everything — the war and the deity hunting that made us suffer too much — is all my fault, will you still love me?

You held me on your arms with tears continuously flowing down your face — with most of them landing of mine — as you tearfully call my name with desperation and panic.

You are even using your ability to heal me but unfortunately, you can't heal me. And that's not just because my wound is too deep, but because the blood within you knows that I need to die for the sake of the whole world.

I always hated myself.

For being deceived, for letting around me use me, for being weak and powerless, and for even existing in this world. I hated everything about myself, especially now that I know what caused everything up to this day. 

It was because I existed which caused everything now.

The sufferings of the human deities, the greed the of the normal humans and the sacrifices that cost many lives just to make everything go back to normal. The one who made human deities suffered and the one who inflamed the greed of normal humans, that people who knew the song engraved in birth gave up their lives to lead the fate on where the playroom can be close by the awakening of the blue.

To free the three colors by the sacrifice of the white and by the death of the red after. 

Everything happened and made it to this point because I existed in the first place. 

Will you believe me if I said that we've always been connected ever since in our past lives?

History repeats itself, we met and fell in love but in the end, we didn't get together because you died in both of the lives we shared, and now it has repeat again but this time it's not you who's going to die but me.

And this will surely end the playground.

You were always a human deity and I was always a normal human, but still we somehow find our way towards each other, but in both the second and first life we shared, I've killed you because of the influence of the people who are jealous and envy to all human deities.

But I have no one to blame there but me because I was the one who introduced the Song Engraved in Birth to them and used it to bring the human deities down.

Your death in the first life we shared is the trigger between the war of human deities and normal humans. Wherein I died in guilt and regret in killing you because I have live my whole first life in solitude, darkness and absolute nothingness.

But those people continued to used the Song Engraved in Birth and waited for the next me, the red, to be born and I did, when the war between the human deities and normal humans are reaching the end, about almost a hundred years after the war was started. But those greedy people are still not satisfied and wants to erase all human deities. They used me again for that and had me killed you again which sparked the deity hunting but this time, my first enlightenment has come to me because I knew about the song engraved in birth and found out that they were just using me for their personal desires which made me kill you and made my live living in hell.

I got so mad that I've killed them all without any hesitation and burned the song engraved in birth. Their relatives, their sons, daughters and others, I killed them all and it was a complete massacre but I didn't care because I was thinking of dying after all of that. After killing all those who I need to kill, I went outside and really killed myself but before that I've wished that in my next life I'll end everything and I did, by dying in front of you, the blue, this will surely awaken your power that has been locked in many years.