Demons || Jaythan

No Good In Goodbye

I know I'll miss the mistake,

Every word I try to choose,

Either way I'm going to lose,

Can't take the ache from heartbreak.

- No Good In Goodbye; The Script.

Chapter Eighteen:

The doctors were saying that I was getting better, that my mental state was improving. I wasn't getting better, I was getting worse. I was obviously getting worse if they were force feeding me the amount of medication they were. (It was only four capsule tablets, two of them I had to take twice a day, but to me that wasn't getting better I wouldn't need the damned tablets if I was recuperating, as they said earlier on).

It was all complete and utter bullshit.

I had lost count of the days that I had been here but I knew that I had been here no longer than two weeks at the most. I haven't had any visits from Jay recently, not even the other lads - not that they came in the first place but I still half-expected them to be there. Although, things have changed now, I had just simply given up on any of them coming to see them; I just lost all hope. I doubted that Jay would come back and see me again. However, I was pleasantly surprised when the male doctor had informed me that I had a visitor today. I could barely hold my excitement but when noticing the stoic expression on Jay's face the previous excitement drained from my body.

"Hey," I spoke quietly as soon as one of the doctors had finished describing what we had to do - I didn't see the point to be honest, it's not like neither of this had experienced this before. "How are you Jay?"

"I'm good."

"And the others?" I pressed on, hoping to keep the conversation going although my hopes were suddenly crushed.

"They're good too." was all he simply said and I sighed.

"That's good I guess." I merely commented. Jay nodded his head, making my frustration grow - plus my anxiety of Jay hating me increased at a rapid pace.

There was a silence and I couldn't bite my tongue back any longer. "Why are you being like this, Jay? Do- do you hate me?" I scoffed and shook my head. "That's a stupid question, of course you do. I'm sure the others do too."

"No," Jay began, he swiped his tongue out and licked his lips leaving a small coat of saliva. Jay did this when he was nervous, this was something I noticed over the years I had known him. "We don't hate you... At least I don't anyway." He trailed off.

"I'm just disappointed."

"Oh."

"Yeah..." he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. "I don't even know where to begin with it all. Honestly, Nathan I can't believe that you would even do something like this, this is just so- so unlike you and I don't even hate you for what you've done which is absolutely crazy I know-" He stopped to take a breath, making him visibly deflate. "But, I just don't. I could never hate you."

"They told me you're getting better." Jay sniffled as he changed the subject, as I looked closer I could see he had been crying and I felt terrible. Not because Jay was upset - well that was most of the reason but that was beside the point - but because after all I did Jay didn't hate me, he just pitied me and I didn't want that. I would rather have him hate me. "That's good, isn't it Nath?"

I nodded, faking a smile. "Yeah."

"Hey, you may even get out of here if you keep improving!" He smiled, a genuine smile, the Jay-smile as I liked to call it where his eyes would light up and his smile stretched out across his face. It was absolutely beautiful to look at, I loved it when he smiled.

I nodded once again.

At least one of us was excited, I thought.

We fell back into silence again. Well, except my brain which was working on overdrive, over-analysing everything Jay's just said.

Did he really mean it or was he just messing with me?

I guess I didn't get to find out the answer as in came the doctor whom announced that our time was up and I frowned; reluctantly standing up from where I was seated and stared sadly at Jay who was stood up also.

"Chin up Nath," Jay gave me a small smile which I weakly returned, "I'll see you next week, okay?"

I nodded, this time a real smile on my face rather than a fake one.

Maybe I was getting better.

-
Hello I wrote this within in an hour so I apologise for any mistakes! There will be more drama to come so this is like the calm before the storm, if you will.

I've got it all planned out and I can't wait to see your reactions!

Hehe I'm such a little tease I'm sorry guys but you're going to have to wait a tiny bit longer :p

I have something to ask you all: Do you all want me to do a character ask? I really want to do one but I feel like there won't be enough questions asked, so how would you feel about me doing one?

I have nothing else to say other than I an hope that I can update again soon!

- Talia x