The woman made of steel and other love stories

Capítulo: 5 - Trust

Flashback

The days at Grey Sloan were always rushed, deliveries and emergencies all day long. And in addition to the daily tiredness she had not yet had time to take her double espresso.
She talked to Maya until late the night before and by the time she realized it was almost time to go back to work. Despite being tired now the conversation was worth it. Carina discovered that Maya has a brother, but they were no longer close. She herself was no longer as close to Andrea as when they were children. The two women had that in common. During the conversation she also talked about her love for tracks, her favorite food and the films she intended to watch, if she had the time and patience. 

Everything was new to Maya. The anxiety for Carina's phone call, for the messages they started exchanging during the day. Everything was new and terrifying. How could she be attached to someone she barely knew? That definitely didn't sound like Maya who understood monogamy as a weakness. And yet there she was opening up her life in a way she never thought she would, even knowing that was just the basics. She didn't know exactly why, but the Italian was different from all the other relationships she'd ever had. It was like she could trust her without fear and that was something she didn't do, so in all the conversations that they had Maya just talked the basic things about herself, leaving the dark details for the future, if there was one.

Carina: (leaning against the doorway of her office watching the nurses run down the hallway) Maya? (noticed that the blonde was lost) What you doing here? 

Maya: (approaches) Well... I knew you must be tired because I made you talk to me until very late last night so... I brought you a coffee. 

Carina: (smiles) Thank you, bambina! You didn't have to do that.

Maya: It was just an excuse to see you.

Carina: You don't need that with me. 

End of the flashback

By Carina ...

Trust. - "Love is not about letting go: love is about not having to hold." - Can self-esteem, or lack of it, affect our relationships? Is it easy to believe in yourself? According to Tom Jobim - "It's impossible to be happy by yourself." - However, I disagree with this thought, because for me, it's not impossible to be happy if you are alone. Actually, you can only be happy with someone else if you can be happy by yourself." Because if I'm not able to look at myself with affection and respect, how am I going to do that for someone else? 

When I was a child and before I had to deal with all the mental illnesses in my family, my father said that my eyes carried the whole world inside them and started calling me a girl with undertow eyes. Even today this memory warms my heart. My father was my hero in so many ways, he was funny, smart, and maybe that's why it was so hard to realize that he needed help, maybe that's why it was so hard to realize that it's not normal to live your whole life walking on eggshells. The therapy helped me understand that none of the frustrations and disappointments were actually mine, made me realize that I grow up and deal with things that were huge even for an adult, imagine for a child. And most of all, it helped me realize that even though I lost my childhood I still had a lot to live for and that I shouldn't be stuck with someone who didn't want my help even if I loved him so much. 

Flashback

"Everything on time, so fast inside..."