𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑵𝑯𝑬𝑰𝑮𝑯𝑻// adam stanheight//saw (finished!!)

𝖎

the room was quiet for a while. ms. weatherbee hasn't spoken for a while. but her rapid breathing was very noticeable.

"adam?" ms. weatherbee finally spoke quietly. she had light red hair that brightly shined. her aqua eyes glimmered as she spoke.
adam's face looked cold.
he wasn't sure he wanted to look at her.

"can you tell me what happened before he left?" she asked politely.

"i already told you. lawrence crawled his happy one footed ass out of the room and left me to rot." adam smarted off. he looked angry.

adam turned away from her again. he hadn't liked the thought of talking about what had happened to him. it was way too emotional for him. and it made him want to shrivel up and speak to no one.
"do you know where lawrence is now?" ms. weatherbee asked adam, practically begging for answers.
"no, i don't. and if i did. i wouldn't tell you." adam spoke.
"and why's that?"
adam looked down at his feet thinking of why he doesn't want her to know.
"because you don't know me. and you don't get it okay?"
ms. weatherbee looked down at what she was supposed to be writing. unfortunately, her notebook was blank.
"adam, you want help, right?" ms. weatherbee asked adam, grabbing his firm hands.
"yes," adam told her, "but you're not doing a very good job at helping."
he said again, pushing her hands away from him.
adam launched all of his weight to the back of the chair he was sitting in. he threw his head back to stare at the clock that was above him. the ticking made the silence between adam and ms. weatherbee even quieter.
adam reached into his pocket for his lighter and a cigarette.
he lifted his head back up to lit the cigarette.
"you can't smoke in here." ms. weatherbee informed adam.
"oh really? that's so cool." he sarcastically said, continuing to light the cigarette and smoke it.
ms. weatherbee finally gave up, storming out of her office, and slamming the door on the way out.
"women.." adam whispered to himself.
he closed his eyes gently as he blew the smoke out from his mouth slowly.

dear journal,

november 13, 2006
not really sure what i'm supposed to put here.
but my therapist says that writing can help with whatever. thing is, what the fuck do i write? all she ever wants is for me to tell her about what happened to me two years ago and it's just not something i want to talk about! being here is just killing me. i gotta get out of this fucked up town.

adam

adam entered his shithole apartment to smell a disgusting stench surrounding the room.
adam plugged his nose with disgust and entered his kitchen for a beer.

he popped open the beer bottle and chugged it all down within seconds.
he could still smell that horrible smell coming from the next room.
adam placed the beer bottle on the counter beside all of the other empty beer bottles.
he entered the room where his tv with antennas sat along with his scratched up and dirty couch.

adam looked around the room trying to find where the smell was coming from.
he eventually looked under the couch to find a dead rat hiding under it.
adam gasped disgustingly and quickly pinched the dead rats tail to throw it outside.

whenever he opened the door, there stood ms. weatherbee, adams therapist.
"ms. weatherbee?" adam said quietly.
"hi adam." she whispered calmly, then stared down at the rat in his hand.
"what're you doing here?" he asked her.
"just to see you and check up. um, what's the rat for?" ms. weatherbee asked him.
"oh- uhh.." adam didn't know what to say to her. instead, he scooted ms. weatherbee aside to throw the rat outside.
ms. weatherbee smiled to herself at the scene.
"may i come in?" she asked him politely.
"oh uh, yeah. yeah course." adam told her gently, "if i knew you were gonna come over, i would've cleaned up a bit, ms.weatherbee."
"please, just call me lana." she told him.
adam stared blankly.
"oh. okay.." adam stated quietly.

"i like where you live, adam. it's..nice." lana announced, observing adams apartment as she stepped through the door.
"it's not much. it's all i can afford." adam informed, laughing it off.
"i think it looks quite cozy." lana laughed with him.
"well, you just saw me carry out a dead rat, so not sure if i'd call it cozy." adam shrugged, grabbing another beer. "want one?"
"no thank you. i quit drinking last year." lana told him.
"ohh, right, my bad." adam apologized, chugging his beer right afterwards.
lana stared at adam as he rapidly chugged the bottled beer down his throat.
"adam." she tried to call his name.
adam quickly stopped drinking the beer, wiped his mouth, and looked at lana.
"are you okay?" lana asked.
adam looked around the room confusingly, not knowing how to respond to lana's sudden question.
"why?" he finally said.
"because. you need more help than i can provide." lana informed.
adam furrowed his eyebrows at her then rolled his eyes.
"what? are you saying you don't wanna see me anymore?" adam asked.
lana turned away. not wanting to admit it.
"so that's why you're here?" adam threw his head back furiously and said.
lana laid her face in her palms as she sat on the gross couch.
adam turned away from her.
"i'm sorry adam. this isn't gonna work anymore."
"whatever." adam mumbled.
"adam, i'm serious. you need better help."
adam turned back around to face her with a furious face.
"yeah well maybe there is nothing that can help me!" adam announced aggressively.
lana's eyes watered quickly after he told her that.
"i'm sorry, adam."
adam made a disgusted face.
he was so hurt that she didn't want to see him anymore.
"get out."
"adam-"
"lana, get the fuck out!" he screamed at her.
lana finally began to bawl.
but she grabbed her things and scurried out of his apartment, slamming the broken door behind her.

adam fell to floor, burying his face in his knees as he curled up. he ran his firm fingers through his tangled brown hair. he began to tug on strands of his hair, sometimes pulling pieces out.
he rocked back in forth quickly.
almost as if he were insane.
he couldn't help it though.
because he had no one.

he began to cry loudly and sort of aggressively.
adam dug his sharp finger nails into his hard skin.
he wanted to feel pain.

he continued to pull strands of hair out, struggling to keep quiet as he cried.

adams back fell to the floor and he began to kick and scream like a child throwing a tantrum.

adam flipped hisself over and threw all sorts of beer bottles onto the walls, watching them shatter into a billion pieces.

he hit another beer bottle on the moldy coffee table and cut himself with the glass.

he scraped the glass across his arms. then cut his ankles with them, watching them bleed.

adam finally couldn't take it anymore and fell back onto the floor to cry himself to sleep. leaving piles of bloody glass to lay around him.