Unearthly Earth

Alone

Tabitha's P.O.V.

It all started seven years ago when I was 18. But before that, when I was younger, my mom would preach to me about never fearing things that lived in the dark. At my age, her greatest fear had been the dark, but after many therapy classes and sleepless nights she sat up, a nervous wreck with a nightlight in each outlet, she slowly got better with time and became a strong independent woman. My greatest fear?

Dying. You know what sucks about that fear? You can never really just "get over it" because whether we like it or not, one day we will all go through it.

Who doesn't fear that though? That has to be the most scariest, most horrifying thing to think about. I wonder what it would feel like to just not exist. I wonder what the other side of the bridge looks like. I wonder if it's beautiful.

I wonder if there really are big golden gates, if everyone/thing you have ever lost really is waiting for you on the other side. But, what would happen if it was all just a big lie that we were led to believe? Wonder if we just vanish? Don't get me wrong. I believe in God, but heaven? Is it real?

My name is Tabby, short for Tabitha. I'm 18 years old, I have long curly blonde hair and chocolate brown eyes. At the time I lived with my three brothers and sisters.

Nina was 2, She had blonde hair and dark brown eyes. Davin was my only brother, he was 16 and the second oldest. He had brown hair and blue eyes. My second sister is named Heidi, and unfortunately she had taken after my mom. She was only fourteen years old. She was breathtakingly gorgeous, and really short for her age. She had very dark hair and the brightest sky blue eyes.

Before her fifteenth birthday my mom sent her to "get help". She told my mom that there were voices in her head. Sometimes they would just talk to her, other times they would yell at her, making her drop to the floor and start to panic. After seeing Heidi one last time, I had never seen her again.

My mom and dad told us that she had an asthma attack in her sleep, and just like that my best friend was gone. There was absolutely nothing I could do to stop it. When realization crept in my life began to fall apart at the seams, it was almost as if everytime I came so close to feeling better there was always something to knock me back down on my knees again.

I mean I guess its understanding that I can't just "get over it." We all have a best friend. Take a second to think about every fun time you had with them, all the memories, laughs, and tears. How they held you when you felt like falling apart. Think about all the nights you spent up late together reminiscing about the past and talking about your future. Then, take another second to think about what your life would be like if they were gone.

No more laughs, no more tears. The person that knew when you were upset, that would do crazy things just to make you laugh. The person who knew you better than anyone does or will, was gone.

Well, that's what I'm feeling and it only gets worse as time goes on. Everyone told me that it would get better and eventually I wouldn't think about it as much, that I would get over it.. but still here I am, dwelling and down every second of every day. Not only do I not laugh anymore, but smiling is my greatest struggle.

It's hard to enjoy life without her. Every reason that I had to make me feel alive, was gone. We would never make another memory together. We would never laugh, and watch movies till four o' clock in the morning. She was my other half, and without her? I'm just nothing. Nothing but a no one.