Untangling a Memory

James

The day after the incident during their sparing, she showed up in the practice hall hours before the other girls and hours before she normally would be "untucked" in the morning by the widow keepers. The Soldier was waiting for her, sitting on the ground with his legs crossed, hands in his lap with his right thumb running over the smooth metal surface of the back of his left hand.

She had thought about not coming after the events of the previous day. She hadn't slept at all that night, still rattled and shaking after her physical response to a reminder of her ongoing trauma. She hadn't realized that the small act of being "tucked in" each night had impacted her so heavily, but she had fallen apart in a moment and without any control. And that's why she returned to work with the Soldier. She refused to allow her body or mind to rule her in any way that she didn't actively allow. She had to be stronger, tougher, more diligent than that if she was to be the best. That was the only reason she was there.

The Soldier looked up at her as she approached. She knew he would have heard her before she'd even gotten within sight of the hall, even with the doors to the hall closed, but he'd waited patiently for her to come within feet of him before looking up to meet her. And she was struck by how kindly his eye contact was, soft and welcoming. She was sure it had been intentional after the previous day's event.

In fact, the look was very intentional. The Soldier willed his face to look as warm as he could muster. This was no easy feat for him, as he had been trained to be stoic, cold, and unflinching. His features were harsh, his face poorly kept, and his gaze intended to be deliberately vacant. But even as he struggled to feel almost anything after what HYDRA had done to him, he had felt horror the day before as how the girl had crumbled before him while sparing. He knew he needed to make it up to her. He valued her too much not to.

She sat down across from him, mirroring his posture, and looked at the Soldier for a long moment. Her gaze was cool, something that was starkly different from the faint smirk he often saw.

"You found what I left for you."

She pulled out a small piece of metal from the pocket of her sweater. He had weaved it into the knit before leaving it in her room, so that it wouldn't be discovered if someone were to unfold the sweater and inspect it. The corner of his mouth tugged slightly upward in admiration. He'd left her no signal of the hidden item. She discovered it all on her own.

"Good. You are learning."

While she tried to keep her face cold and angry, a small flash of satisfaction ran across her features. She yearned for praise even if she would never acknowledge it.

The Soldier paused before continuing. He was searching her face, trying to decide whether to say something, reference what had happened the day before. Even as she stared, almost glared, at him, her eyes were bright and piercing green. He could have gotten lost in that moment if he wasn't mindful, but they had work to do.

"If you want to get better, I will train you on your own. You will have to do as you did this morning, showing up well before the other girls and return to your room before the normal start of the day. This is not for the school to know."

She looked over his face. This is why she had come this morning, what she had been hoping for. She wanted him to train her, make her the best. She was already the top of her class, but to be specially trained by the Soldier would make her exceptional, unparalleled. She nodded her head in agreement.