Untangling a Memory

As long as you'll let me

Natasha let out a couple of soft breaths as she woke. She lingered for a while in the state where it's hard to tell if one is truly awake or just pausing before heading back into another deep period of slumber. But as she started to feel the fingers lightly comb through her hair, she had the sense that she was no longer dreaming.

Slowly, Natasha began to bat her eyes open, allowing her sight to adjust to the dim light as she looked through heavy eyelashes. She sighed, body overcoming its still tired state, as she tried to orient herself. Finally, she could see well enough to identify that she was in the medical suite, her head still laid next to Bucky's legs on the mattress of the hospital bed.

But where his legs had given off a slight coolness before, there now was light heat. And where her hands had been gently clutched around his, they now were empty. Instead, of panicking, she quickly realized that the hand stroking her unkempt hair was his.

Natasha lifted her head to look at Bucky's face. The metal halo was gone and so too were the machines that kept the lilac-colored cyrostasis liquid flowing into his veins. His bed was propped up slightly at the head, so that he could look at her and that's exactly what he was doing- staring lovingly at Natasha as she finally roused from sleep.

Natasha looked at Bucky for a long time, unable to move. After seeing him cold and unconscious for so many days, it felt almost impossible to see him with color returned to his cheeks. More importantly, she could see in his eyes that he still knew her. The voice in her head that he might never come back and she would be faced with those empty eyes again, was now shut up.

"You're here." She whispered to Bucky, her voice still lacking some confidence, waiting for him to prove his genuine presence.

"I'm here." Bucky's mouth pulled up gently at the corner. His eye's batted softly, "I'm sorry it took me so long."

A lump caught in Natasha's throat and her face pulled as she tried to keep her tears away. Bucky took her hands back in his flesh one that laid next to them, tying her down to the present.

"How are you?"

Natasha laughed lightly and her face relaxed. "I think I'm supposed to be asking you that." She bit her lip, trying to find the words to express herself. "Did you find what you were looking for?"

Bucky nodded. "Yup, turns out I was right all along."

Natasha's stomach flipped wondering what he'd possibly seen about himself, about her, about them. "Right about the memories?"

Bucky smiled broadly. "Right about you. You stuck around. You didn't run."

Finally, a tear escaped her eye and she quickly wiped it away with her thumb. Natasha laughed quietly, shaking her head. "I'm so mad at you!"

"No, you're not." Bucky's grin grew wider.

"Yes, I am!" Natasha tried to sound serious, but her smile betrayed her.

"You just want to be mad."

"You're such an ass."

"You're not wrong." Bucky squeezed Natasha's hand and then turned serious. "I am sorry that I didn't talk to you first. I just didn't think I could go through with it otherwise and I knew I had to."

Natasha let out a deep breath. She closed her eyes as she tilted her head down toward her lap. Natasha knew that she shouldn't blame herself, but somehow she still felt guilty that he thought she'd somehow shame him or otherwise prevent him from having the procedure if he wanted to.

"Hey-" Bucky put his finger under her chin, lifting it to encourage her to return his gaze once again. "You ok in there?"

Natasha nodded. Her eyes were dispirited, losing their brightness and humor from moments ago. She anxiously picked at the last scabs on her knuckles from her bloody argument with the punching bag the week before.