Untangling a Memory

Still broken

Bucky opened the door to the gym and was immediately struck by the sounds of fists forcefully pounding against heavy leather. He walked over to where Natasha was hitting the punching bag and watched her jabs make it swing almost as hard as when Steve practiced. Her head was down, grunting with every hit, unaware of his presence.

Bucky noticed the frustration Natasha put into every punch. Her fists were purposeful as they met the bag, fighting some invisible enemy. Whatever demons she had been dealing with were very present in this moment and she was using all her force to try to demolish them. 

"Hey slugger." Bucky leaned against a wall at the side of Natasha's view, hoping not to scare her.

Natasha paused her punching, steadying the bag and breathing heavily. She nodded in Bucky's direction.

"I'm gunna call it and say you've won the fight against the bag."

"A couple more minutes and I would have had a knockout." Natasha walked over to her water bottle that was on the floor near where Bucky was standing.

"I have no doubts. How is your workout?" Bucky grabbed a towel from the shelf behind him and handed it to her.

Natasha nodded once in appreciation and wiped the sweat from her face. "Done. I think I'm spent." She tossed the towel to the ground next to where she'd replaced her water.

Natasha reached to her hand and began unwrapping the gauze and tape that protected her knuckles. Her hands shook slightly. Whether this was from the recent aggressive exercise or her general state of emotional distress, it was unclear. She stretched her hands, in an attempt to make the trembling stop.

Bucky noticed her difficultly and grabbed the hand she had been working on, starting to pick at the bandages. At first, Natasha's inclination was to pull away, but she was too exhausted to decline the assistance. Bucky held her hand gently as her unwound the gauze.

"What did you do while I was here? Anything exciting?"

"Not much. I gave Steve a call. He's been bugging me to keep in touch more regularly. You know how he gets." Bucky smirked, while still focusing on uncoiling Natasha's fingers and palm.

"Gotcha. Anything new with him?"

"Not too much. Sounds like they're having a good day. Moving along with the mission." Bucky thought about mentioning something about how Natasha didn't have to do work for them or the cover story that Steve had come up with, but he decided to dodge it instead. "Other hand, please."

Natasha switched hands and Bucky continued. Natasha lifted her unwrapped hand to get a better view, stretching and flexing it as she inspected how badly she had beaten it up even through the bandages. Bucky was finishing unwrapping her second hand when he came to a sudden stop.

As the end of the bandages unfurled around Natasha's wrist, a deep, ragged scar was revealed. Bucky tried to hide his shock and dismay, but he failed, holding her hand delicately as a lump formed in his throat.

Natasha noticed his halt in assistance, only just realizing what she had exposed in the course of letting him unwrap her hands. Her eyes rapidly searched his face as she wondered how to handle the situation that she had been avoiding for so long. She could pull her hand away, run and hide again, or finally give in and expose this painful part of her past. She sighed, her face falling in sadness as she accepted the situation.

"It's ok. Go ahead."

Bucky looked at Natasha's defeated expression and then back at her wrist. He was only realizing in this moment how she always kept this wrist covered by a watch, bracelet, or her Widow bites. His felt ashamed that he'd never realized was amiss. He ran over the poorly repaired gash with the thumb of his right hand. It was wide and deep, showing years of repeated abuse.