Untangling a Memory

A sweatshirt and pajama pants

Early the next morning, Steve looked all over for Bucky, but with little luck. He was excited to talk with his friend about Natasha's return. Steve didn't have a chance to speak with Bucky after bringing Natasha home, not wanting to wake her as he laid her down to sleep in his bed, but he had been looking forward to giving Bucky the brief update. Steve wouldn't be sharing any of the details of his conversation with Natasha (that was understood to be confidential), but he figured he could at least reassure his friend.

After searching between Bucky's room, the common room, the veranda, and the gardens, Steve finally headed to the gym. He heard the sounds of aggressive grunts and flesh hitting leather before he even entered. When he opened the door, he found Bucky laying heavy blows on the punching bag in the corner.

"Hey Buck! I've been looking for you!"

Bucky didn't respond. He kept his head down, facing away from Steve as he continued to beat at the heavy bag.

"Nat's not up yet, but I was going to make her breakfast in a bit if you want to bring it to her."

Steve's tone was cheerful and bouncy. But Bucky didn't turn or acknowledge Steve in any way. If anything, his hits increasingly aggressive.

"Buck, did you hear me?"

Steve moved over into Bucky's sightline at the side of the bag, but Bucky wouldn't make eye contract.

Steve's tone began to change, as concern started to creep in. "Hey, Buck, what's going on? I thought you'd be happy I found Nat and brought her home."

"Ha! Yeah, I'm thrilled. It's great that she wanted to see you, Steve. Just awesome." Bucky spat his words through gritted teeth as he continued his focus on his punches. They became more forceful with each throw, swaying the bag violently now.

Steve's brow furrowed, caught in confusion. Why was Bucky so upset that Natasha was home? It didn't add up.

"Buck, stop for a second and talk to me. I thought you'd be happy to see Natasha."

Bucky's anger boiled over and he pulled the punching bag from its chain and threw it across the room, causing an explosion of sand and leather, and massive crater in the wall where it had hit. Bucky panted in frustration, before sinking back against the corner and burying his head in his hands, knuckles bleeding through the gauze wraps from the repeated aggressive throws. Steve stood watching him, mouth agape.

"Because she doesn't want to see me, Steve! Don't you get that!"

Steve sat down next to Bucky. He lowered his voice, "What are you talking about?"

"You found her. You brought her back." Bucky's tone had changed to sorrow. "She doesn't want anything to do with me. She wants you."

Steve looked at his utterly defeated friend. He had been ill-prepared for this response.

"Buck... Where is this coming from?"

Bucky's breathing shortened as his eyes began to fill with water. He kept his face hidden from Steve. There was nothing he could do to keep up his defenses now. The flood gates were opening.

"I lied to you." It came out as barely a whisper.

"What do you mean?"

"Natasha's not just a friend. I mean, that's not what I want. I care about her. A lot."

Steve nodded. Even as his friend hadn't been willing to admit it, Steve had more than a hunch that this was the case, especially with how frantic Bucky had been over the search.

"So, if you have strong feelings for her, care about her, why would it be a bad thing that she's back?"

Bucky bit his lip hard, trying to contain the sobs that were trying to escape. His breath caught a couple of times before he could finally speak. "Because she doesn't want me. She wants you."