Untangling a Memory

Five seconds

Bucky and Natasha walked mostly in silence, as she led the way to one of her favorite spots in all of Wakanda. It was a place that Bucky had checked early on in his search for her just days before- a patch of tall grass on a hill, situated under a very old tree. She favored it because while the grass was tall, it was particularly soft and lush; the tree was thick with twisting bark that told stories of years of wear; and at the right times of day, it was if you could see all the best parts of Wakanda.

They set down, Natasha creating some distance between them. She knew this was going to be tough conversation, one she wasn't fully sure she was ready for, but she had decided to forge ahead regardless. She thought she owed it to Bucky, especially after abandoning him.

Bucky sat cross-legged, silently watching Natasha out of the corner of his eye, waiting for her to make the first move. He didn't want to pressure her in anyway, knowing that this was her conversation to have, only if she wanted to have it. He tried to relax his body, showing how open he was to her. She, on the other hand, sat with her knees pulled to her chest, muscles tensed, almost as if in a protective position.

Natasha opened and closed her mouth a couple of times, trying to find the words to begin. She dared not make eye contact with Bucky, knowing that she could fall apart instantly if she were to look into his sweet blue eyes that were once her safe place. Or she thought they were. She couldn't be sure now, as she wasn't sure of any of her memories. She started plucking the grass from next to her as her anxiety built.

"Ummm... I don't really know where to begin." Natasha bit her lip and furrowed her brow as she felt his eyes on her, waiting.

"Anywhere you want. And you don't have to talk about anything at all. Whatever would make you most comfortable."

Natasha nodded silently. She paused another couple of minutes, looking away from Bucky, before finally letting out a deep sigh and trying her best to begin.

"So, I had my appointment with Shuri the other day. And there were some good things that came out of it. Everything looked healthy. My ankle and other injuries from the fight outside the safehouse looked good."

"That's great!" Bucky tried to say brightly, while keeping in mind that this was probably going to be the high point of their conversation.

"Mmmm, uh yeah..." Natasha pulled apart strands of grass in front of her. She felt her jaw clenching and tried to take another deep breath to release some of her building tension. "Well, she found a bunch of other things over the course of the examination as well."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah..." Natasha trailed off, started to tap her foot unconsciously as she got lost in her train of thought.

Bucky wanted so much to help Natasha. Hold her, do anything for her. But he knew she needed to do this for herself and on her own.

"We don't have to talk about this if you don't want to."

"I know, I know. I want to." That was a lie. She never wanted to talk about it again, but that was mostly because she didn't want it to be real. "Ummm, Shuri found a lot of other healed injuries."

"Ok. I mean, you've been on a lot of missions in your life and you don't really hold back. I guess that makes sense."

Natasha's head tilted and her face pinched, feeling some frustration that she wasn't making her point. She had trouble finding the right words.

"Yeah. I mean, yes. All of that is true. But Shuri found... ummm..." she scratched her neck and looked towards the sky in search of a way to describe it. "Ok, so you know how my ankle healed so quickly? And my other injuries? My ribs and the cut on my leg?"