Portville Village

Days passed...

Days passed 

 Ezra and I seemed to enjoy our company. Friends na siguro kami sa lagay na ito. Tinuturuan niya ako minsan tumugtog ng gitara, and I'll always find my hands trembling as he holds it para ipuwesto sa tamang chords. Maddison seemed to be enjoying our closeness as I caught her smiling at us, mukhang nakakapanukso mga ngiti niya. Pero swear, there was nothing romantic sa aming dalawa ni Ezra.

Wala nang wall ang nakapagitan sa aming dalawa ni Ezra. Minsan nagshashare rin ako sa kanya about sa mga memories namin dito ni Eslov. I also asked him kung may girlfriend ba siya at sabi niya ay matagal na silang wala ng girlfriend niya eversince na lumipat sila dito. Itinatanong ko rin kung hindi ba sila natatakot ni Madz na sila lang dalawa sa cabin, knowing na malagim 'yung pagkamatay ni Eslov. Bigla tuloy akong nakaramdam ng takot para sa kanilang dalawa. He admitted na uuwi rin naman sila sa mom niya at wala silang balak magstay ni Mads dito for good. Bigla akong nalungkot sa sinabi nyang iyon pero hindi ko na lang ipinahalata.

People will come and go, Enidh. You gotta accept that fact. I said to myself.

One day as I was sweeping away the dried leaves in our frontyard, may peach rose na sumambulat sa akin. Bigla akong kinabahan,

Diyos ko, is this a bad omen again? I bit my lips.

Then isa-isa na akong nakakita ng peach roses, parang karpet ito na nakalatag sa harapan ko, following a trail. I followed the trail of roses and it led me to a grassy area, our usual spot. I saw him standing there, with his guitar. Ezra? He greeted me with a sunny smile.

"Wala bang originality? Natakot ka siguro no?" Ezra teased.

I was still clueless. "What is this for?" I asked.

He smiled and prepared to sing a song with his guitar. He sung Snow Patrol's "Chasing Cars"

Then, lumabas si Maddison at naglatag ng blanket.

"Ezra? What is this?" I asked quizzically.

He stopped from his singing. He took my hands.

"I like you Enidh. I want you to be my girl," he confessed looking straight in my eyes. Maddison was gushing in the background.

"Uhmm...Ezra I'm sorry pero...mahal ko pa rin kapatid mo." My voice broke.

"I'm willing to wait," he said "Just let me prove to you that I'm worth it, I'm worth it to have you and I'll break that wicked spell sa sarado mong puso."

I didn't answer. Bakit ba lagi na lang nauulit ang mga ganito? Since nawala si Travis, si Eslov naman ang nakilala ko and we became lovers, and then now, Ezra was professing his love for me..baka sapitin din niya ang...Shit, 'wag naman sana. Hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang mali sa akin, kung may sumpa ba akong taglay at lahat na lang ng nagiging boyfriend ko namamatay. Aaminin ko, nagugustuhan ko na si Ezra, pero mas matimbang pa rin sa puso ko si Eslov. My mind wandered sa panaginip ko na biglang naging si Ezra ang sinasabing surprise sa akin ni Eslov. Gusto ba ni Eslov si Ezra para sa akin? Nile-let go niya na ba ako para sa iba?

Days passed and Ezra pursued on courting me. Nililigawan din niya si Mama. We would watch movie over our house and we would crack jokes with each other. I love goofing around with him, nadiscover ko ang funnybone niya. He loved to spoof famous personalities and we'd crack up on that. He loved to put a smile on my face and he never failed to do that.

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One rainy afternoon, lumabas ako ng bahay.It was Eslov's first death anniversary.I saw Ezra drenched in rain standing in a grassy area. Ha? Anong kadramahan naman nitong si Ezra? I was not used in seeing him like that. I went up to him with my umbrella.

"Ezra what the hell are you doing there? Baka magkasakit ka!" I chided shoving my umbrella, medyo nabasa na rin ako.

His face hardened upon seeing me, amidst that dampness, I could see his antagonistic stares. I almost flinched. What's wrong with him? May nagawa ba akong masama?

"Go away Enidh." he yelled. I was startled by that.

"No, ano bang nakain mo at nagpapaulan ka? Saka bakit ganyan ka?" I insisted with my forehead creased.

"I said go away!" He reiterated with a hard edge in his voice.

"No, what I mean is go away . Umalis ka na rito sa ...Portville."

My knees were shaking. Am I  really hearing those from him? My heart was drumming wildly.

"Ano bang ginawa ko sa'yo? I thought you..."

"You're just a tease Enidh. Hindi ka ba nakokonsensya nilalandi mo ang stepbrother ng mahal mo?" 

 Hearing that, my palms landed on his cheeks.

"How dare you say that! I don't know kung bakit bigla na lang nagbago ugali mo ngayon, well hindi na ako magtataka, you're unpredictable right? And besides, hindi ako ang unang lumandi sa ating dalawa. You're right, hindi kayo parehas ng stepbrother mo, dahil he's far off better than you!!" I purred and stormed off. Then, I realized that I was crying, I left him there immobile. Naglalakad na rin ako under the rain, naiwan ko ang payong ko from his spot.

Ang sama mo Ezra, ang sama-sama mo!

Since that day, hindi ko na nakita si Ezra. I told mom na bumalik na kami sa Manila at sinabi kong namimiss ko na ang mga kaibigan ko. I saw Maddison outside our house. She was wearing a somber expression.

"Maddison..."

"Ate Enidh, I gotta tell you something," she said, almost teary eyed. Bigla na naman lumakas ang tibok ng puso ko. Ayoko nang makakita ng mga teary eyed, I've had enough pain reading and seeing that expression.

"Si Kuya Ezra....."

"Bakit ano'ng nangyari sa kanya?"

"May sakit siya, he was diagnosed with colon cancer... stage 2"

My heart bursted in flood of emotions, forming a gaping hole in my chest.

"Hindi niya sinabi sa'yo kasi ayaw niya na maging malungkot ka...pero 'di ko na makayanan ang pagdurusa ni kuya.. Willing siyang i-let go ka para sa iba...dahil naniniwala siyang hindi na naman siya magtatagal... kaya nung last time na nakita mo siya, he didn't mean it..ginawa lang niya 'yun para lumayo na loob mo sa kanya," she cried. I quickly hugged her.

"Where is he? I need to talk to him, gusto kong magsorry sa ginawa ko sa kanya last time."

"Sadly, lumipad na siya sa States kahapon pa, doon na siya ipapagamot ni mommy, nagpaiwan muna ako dito saka ako susunod sa kanila, sasamahan naman ako ng tita ko pabalik ng States. I don't want to leave you hanging Ate Enidh. Alam ko diyan sa puso mo may nararamdaman ka na para sa kanya."

You're too late Enidh, maaring hindi mo na siya makita.

Maddison gave me a piece of paper. "My love for you will keep me alive Enidh."

"I saw that sa kwarto ni Kuya and naisipan ko na ibigay sa'yo 'yan. Ate Enidh, I'm so sorry kung hindi ko sinabi sa'yo dahil natakot ako na magalit sa akin si kuya...pero mas nakakatakot pala ang mawalay kayo sa isa't isa at nangyari na nga," she mouthed in between her tears.

With that, I could feel my world slowly shattering. For the third time, I lost someone whose very dear to me, it may not be how I lost Travis and Eslov, but I couldn't shake off the possibility na pwede mangyari 'yun kay Ezra.Walang araw ang lumipas na hindi ko naisip si Ezra kung kamusta na ba siya, araw-araw ko rin siyang isinasama sa mga dasal ko. Walang sinasabi si Maddison about sa kuya niya everytime na mag-uusap o magkachat kami. Dumaan pa ang mga araw at madalang na kami nagkakausap sa internet.