Options (TsukishimaxReader)

Chp 13

When I let the feeling of loneliness soak into me, I had to have a true discussion with myself. 

I have my whole life, and am I really throwing it away for some guy? 

But he's more than just some guy; I can't say I'm happy here, but I don't necessarily regret it either. My whole insides are in so much pain. It hurts to wake up or even bend now, but the few hours I got to see him today made the pain hurt a little less. 

I threw my head back on the backboard of the bed and closed my eyes tight. I coughed and let the petals fall on the sides of my face. The pain my lungs felt was increasing every day.

Tsukishima's voice popped into my head. A numbed feeling came over me. 

"Y/N! The doctors called us." Ryu shouted as he entered with Saeko by his side. I wiped away the tears that were falling to the side of my face and looked at them.

"I think you should do it." Ryu's voice was quiet, and he held his head down. Saeko was even in shock, and she stepped away from him and looked in horror at his suggestion. 

"What. She can't do this, Ryu. Didn't you hear what he said? She'll never be able to love-"

"I know what he said! But we're all she needs." Ryu locked eyes with me. "Aren't we enough." He pleaded with me stepping a bit closer to me. Saeko placed a hand on his shoulder. "Ryu." She mumbled. I smiled lightly. "You're more than enough, but..." I swallowed down another cough, sending a shock of pain throughout my entire body.

"But the love I have for you guys and the love I am starting to grow for Tsukishima are very different. It's a feeling I never want to forget." He held my weak hands in his with his face stained in tears. "I  want you alive and well and not pale and sick. It hurts seeing you here like this." He breathed out. 

They spent more time discussing other topics. They gave me my school work but ending up doing it all for me anyway. 

If we were reminded of my state, the tension in the room would get bad again. We got quiet and let our own thoughts fill in that silence until the subject was changed again. 

Saeko stood up fast, saying she wanted to get us some food. She wanted to get me one of my favorites, not that I could eat it either way. They both left, promising to be back soon.

I gently placed my head back on the pillow and closed my eyes until I heard the door open again.

"You guys are back already?"

Tsukishima opened the door and locked it behind him. "Hey Y/N. I needed to see you." His voice was shaky, and his hands were latched together behind him.

He grabbed a chair and moved it beside me. "I meant it before when I said I wanted to do everything I could to get to know you. I'm sorry that I'm a fool and that I can't process my own emotions quick enough." He slowly grabbed my cold hands and engulfed them in his.

"Y/N. You're so beautiful. From the moment I saw you at the first practice match, I was fascinated by you. You seemed so happy, and your eyes lit up when you talked to your idiot brother." His grip around my hand tightened. "I'm not good with words. I don't know how to say things, but please." He swallowed loudly.

"Can I please kiss you?" He suggested with his cheeks being lightly dusted with a pink shade.

I widened my eyes. "What?" I breathed out. 

He seemed to draw away from my response. "Oh. I'm sorry. I just-" He started to trip over his own words. "Yamaguchi was trying to make me feel better. He said it would help if I kissed you. He said in movies that happens a lot. It seems stupid, but if it can make you get better sooner, I'll do what I can. But only if you want to. I don't ever want to force you-" 

I had enough of his rambling; with my free hand, I grabbed his shirt and tugged him to me. Connecting out lips for a slow, soft kiss. He hesitated initially but eventually gave in, cupping my face in his hands, slightly deepening the kiss.

He pulled away, and his cheeks were all red. He looked so cute. "We just shared our first kiss." I said, smiling. 

"I felt a shock go throughout my body. Can I do it again?" He asked, grabbing my chin making me face him again. I nodded as I felt heat climb up from behind my neck. 

He cupped my face again, leaning in slowly for another slow but much sweeter kiss. He pulled away. "Again." He mumbled. Kissing me again with a bit more passion. Pulling away once more, he whispered, "Again." Pecking my lips before pulling away from me for good.

"Why so many times." I breathed out with our faces still inches away from the other. 

"I just kept missing the feeling each time I moved away..." He mumbled, smiling lightly. 

His features looked so delicate this close. His eyelashes were long, and his lips were so soft. His skin looked like it was edited, and his eyes seemed to shine so much brighter than before. 

"Don't go through with the surgery." He mumbled under his breath before standing up and kissing me again quickly before leaving the room.

I wanted to call out for him, but he was already gone.

—-

author here - another fix:)

when i originally wrote this, i had just watched toradora and now that i'm fixing it, i'm reading the toradora manga and BOY i still think their kiss scene was adorable. 

like we all just need a ryuuji in our lives - i won't settle for less!

anyway moving away from my toradora rant - 

bye bye yall until next time:)