Always Him (Always #1)

Chapter Ten

Later that night, hours after Jasper had fallen asleep, somehow, my body refused to let me sleep. I'd taken to the bay window again. Even with the window shut, I felt the coolness of the wind outside, and I wrapped myself tighter in Jasper's hoodie. He was never going to get it back; it was far too cozy to give it back.

    My mind, for once, wasn't thinking of anything in particular. It just drifted as if in a large sea, no destination in mind, just a relaxing ride on the water. Peaceful. I'd become so ensconced in my little vacation on the ocean that I didn't hear the footsteps walk into the room. They were gentle and stopped just behind me; I didn't turn.

    "When you sit here all these nights, what is it that you think about?"

    It didn't come as a surprise that Jasper noticed my distanced look; he knew my mind was rolling. "Most nights, I think of too many things. My future, my present, my past, my parents, Blaine, you, work. But tonight?" I softly smiled as he sat next to me. "Tonight, I wasn't thinking of anything. I think my brain was taking a much-needed vacation."

    "You do need a vacation. A real one." The side of his mouth lifted, revealing his dazzling smile. "You mentioned me, said my name. You think of me at night when you can't sleep?" he put his hand over his heart, giving me the most adorable 'awed' look. "You are too sweet. I am so touched you'd do that, Sades."

    I couldn't hold back my grin, couldn't hold back the laughter that followed it either. With as much love as I could muster, I leaned over and elbowed him; he deflected with another round of laughter. "Don't be so full of yourself."

    "You made it too easy there." His laughter calmed as we both stared outside at the darkened city. "When you think of me when you sit here, what do you think about?"

    "Why are you awake?"

    "Don't deflect my question, Sades."

    Was I deflecting his question? What reason did I have to do that? It was just Jasper. What was I not telling myself that I was also not telling him? My head began to overthink again.

    "About the good times, we had growing up. The bad times, the fun times, the times I don't quite remember." A moment passed. "Times that none of us quite remember if I remember correctly."

    "Probably." He agreed. Another moment of silence passed before he spoke again. His question startled me. "What's your favorite memory with me?"

    I turned from the window then to find that he was looking at me with sincerity that I hadn't seen from him in a long time. It made my stomach flutter like a butterfly let loose.

    What was my favorite memory with Jasper? I wondered if he meant memories with just the two of us or memories that involved Blaine. I decided to go with the first of the two options.

    The corner of my mouth quirked as a memory hit me. "My sixteenth birthday."

    His eyes widened slightly.

    "You remember that day?"

    He cleared his throat. "Couldn't forget it if I tried."

    "You kissed me." I began to observe how his eyes and face reacted to my words; it was new and exciting to see the constant changes. "You kissed me because it was a gift I knew no one would give to me. You wanted to prove me wrong. I remember you had said you didn't want Blaine to know yet also refused to explain to me." It had been a gift and a memory that I'd never spoken to anyone else. Jasper hadn't really wanted to hide it; he said he wasn't ashamed of it, just didn't want Blaine or my parents to find out yet. Yet had been the keyword. It made me wonder now. Were the feelings I was going through now a result of that? Had I been in denial of what was going through his head? Did I really only perceive that kiss as a gift and nothing more? My head was about to burst from all the questions I'd just had it cycle through, all with no answers; I'd have a headache soon if I didn't change the subject. "What about you? Do you have a favorite memory with me? And don't say the same! No repeats!"