Always Him (Always #1)

Chapter One

TW: Mentions of death

This day should not be happening. I should not be getting dressed for a funeral; I should be getting dressed for work. I should still have my brother by my side; I should not be preparing to say goodbye. It's a cruel thing to say goodbye to someone that had been your partner in crime for so many years, crueler when you have to say goodbye this early in what should have been a long life for them.

Life wasn't cruel. Life was a bitch.

The small church was going to be relatively empty. He wouldn't have wanted a lot of people there, so we'd honor his request. Just a few friends trickled in with the family. They were all we needed; anyone more would have been a dishonor to his memory.

The bed crinkled underneath me as I stood. My feet thudded against the floor, dread in every step. I didn't want to do this, didn't want to see Blaine's lifeless body in a coffin, didn't want to say goodbye to my brother. My eyes burned from all the tears I'd cried and the sleep that evaded me.

My foot kicked against an object. With my weary eyes, I noticed it was a journal. I didn't want to see a therapist after learning about Blaine's death, so my parents got me a journal to write in, told me to think of it as a diary. If I wouldn't see a therapist, I'd write down what I felt, what I accomplished. With a long hard sigh, I kicked the journal further under my bed. I didn't want to see it; instead, I focused on [-0the shiny object that diverted my attention.

Adjusting the bracelet on my wrist, the last gift Blaine had given me, the diamond and sapphire gemstones gleamed in the lowlight of the room. Blaine had worked for weeks to get this for me, all for my 16th birthday. He'd wanted me to have something nice, something that showed he did care about me; he wasn't always an ass. He'd made me laugh when he told me the reasoning behind it. I'd kept it on since, even now, it wasn't coming off. A light knock on my had me raising my head; I trained my eye to the door.

Jasper stood there, back against the doorframe, arms crossed, sunglasses over his eyes. His shaggy hair was a mess; over his eyes, he didn't put any effort into styling it. I didn't bother to style mine either. He reached a hand out for me when I got to him.

His hand was shaking; from the quiver in his lips, I knew he was barely holding it together. That made two of us. "It'll be okay," I whispered. Did I believe my own words? Not at the moment, maybe later, but not today.

Jasper didn't respond. Being Blaine's best friend, he was handling this day the same way we all were. Silent. We didn't have any words to say. I didn't want to say anything.

We walked silently together to the car waiting outside. My parents were in the front. Both had tear stains on their faces; their cheeks were hollow, eyes bloodshot like mine. We'd be matching today, full of sorrow and longing for a chance to undo the events of the last week. No one spoke on the drive; I leaned into Jasper's side; his body was the only thing keeping me sane at the moment. My father's eyes were only on the road, his body stiff as he held the steering wheel in his hands. My mother's eyes were closed, perhaps dreaming that we were driving to a more cheerful even instead of her son's funeral.

The small church sat in front of a wildflowers garden, something cheerful to look at before sad events, something fun to talk about before the usual Sunday Service. The old wooden doors creaked when they opened, the dark wood splintering in many places. It was only because of the locals that this church was still standing. The doors were open in the summer to cool it down, and in the winter, you had to bundle up if you wanted to attend.