Always Him (Always #1)

Chapter Six

I could not remember the last time I'd had such a peaceful night of sleep. It'd been too long that I'd gone a night without a dream, without a nightmare—just peaceful dreams in a relaxed sleep.

It might have had to do with the heart that still beat under my ear, to the man that heartbeat belonged to.

Jasper.

My eyes cracked open to the early rays of the sun. Jasper snored softly below me, his chest rising and falling with each breath. Contentment filled me so full I wanted to close my eyes and go back to sleep. But I couldn't, I had a job to go to. I lifted my head and glanced down to see that I'd left a stain of tears on Jasper's grey shirt. He'd held me all through the night, and I don't think either of us moved.

Carefully I rolled off of him, flinching as my feet landed on the floor. My body ached terribly, and I remembered the cold shower. Shame filled me then. How could I let myself act like that; I was supposed to be an adult! Twenty-one years old, and I still had cried in the shower as the water went cold, blaming myself for things that weren't my fault.

Visiting Blaine's grave was never an easy thing to do. Last night had been the longest I'd ever visited him for. Jasper helped with that, and I was happy he hadn't asked me to leave instead, pleading that I stayed. For him, I'd do it again without him even having to ask. It'd been a night I needed, I now realized. I needed to revisit him; I'd needed that. Having Jasper, there was a bonus; for a few fleeting moments, it truly felt like the old days. The three of us just hanging out.

It still amazed me that Blaine and Jasper had allowed me to hang out with them. They weren't the usual boys who'd tell all girls to stay out, no they welcomed me. My parents didn't even need to say anything to them; I was just always included. I think it may have had to do with Blaine and Jasper both being protective of me. They'd always been able to protect me if I was with them; they wouldn't have to worry about my being gone cause I'd be there with them. They were the only friends I'd needed growing up.

When I reached middle and high school, eventually, I got a few other friends, but I'd never shared the connection with them that I had with Blaine and Jasper. They were different; they knew me; they weren't pretending to hang out with me to get something out of it; they truly wanted to be friends with me. Even now, I still talked occasionally with my friend from high school, Anastasia, but she'd moved to Maine just after we graduated. She got there, married the first guy she met, and popped out a few babies in just a couple of years. We didn't talk much anymore. I was okay with that. She'd called when Blaine passed, offered me her condolences, and asked if I needed her to come to visit. I'd told her only if she was able to come, should she come. She didn't. I didn't hold a grudge, though; life was too short for that. We each had our own lives now; I still sent her a Christmas card when the time came.

Looking in the bathroom mirror now, I saw the terrible state my face was in. I couldn't hide the puffiness of my face if I tried. Sighing, I walked back to my room for my phone and gave Carly the call that I wouldn't be in. She only laughed at me. "It's Saturday, girly, get some rest. See you on Monday."

I was relieved I didn't have to work. Now, I didn't know what I was going to do with my day. Getting rid of this puffiness was my first task; maybe that just required more rest. I couldn't argue with that; it felt like the right thing to do.

I heated up some breakfast when Jasper walked in; he'd changed his shirt, and his hair was wet. Through all my thinking this morning, I hadn't heard the shower turn on. I didn't hear him get up. He sat at the table, inspecting me, making sure I was doing okay.