Always Him (Always #1)

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Sadie

When I thought about spending time with Blaine again, this wasn't what I had pictured. I was grateful for it, but I couldn't help but wonder if I'd remember any of this when I went back. Would my body still feel like mine after being away so long? Time was weird; it could've been days or weeks since I was in my body, I wouldn't notice here.

It was feeling like old times again like nothing had changed. Except it had, life had more than changed everything. It took Blaine from us. It forged a relationship between Jasper and me; it brought us together only to separate us again and bring us back together yet again. I was wondering when I'd go back, be together with my parents and Jasper again. It was fun being with Blaine, but I understood his feeling lonely more and more. It's not easy going from many friends to being by yourself or only with one other person.

Blaine found me later. I had managed to step away from him long enough to find a tree to hide behind. I had needed some time to collect myself. I was mostly together, but I was beginning to panic.

"The adjustment period is the worst when you first get here. Must be worse for you because you won't be staying."

"You keep saying that, and I still don't fully understand why. Why you keep saying that, and how do you know that what you're saying is true."

He let out a sigh as he patted my kneecap, sitting down next to me. "I keep saying it because it's true, Sades. And I know what I'm saying is true because when I came here, I've always been this," he paused, trying to find the right words. "I've always had this kinda transparent skin; you don't. I knew I was dead; I could feel it. When I look at you, though, Sades, you're perfectly solid like you've always been. Solid skin and not see-through skin. Solid. And like I said before, you've got a long life to live with Jasper."

Jasper. I was worried about him; he'd probably be concerned about me if he knew.

"He knows, Sades. I can feel that, feel him talking, thinking. He's with you."

My head snapped to him. "He has my wallet; you have my bracelet; I can feel that they're close."

"How?"

A shrug. "I'm still figuring things out up here, Sades; I just know things now. It's weird as hell."

We sat in silence for a few minutes. Just staring at the river like we used to do. It was always peaceful, calming; it never failed to give me a clear head. Even now, when what I was currently experiencing shouldn't be happening. Maybe it wasn't happening; perhaps it was all in my head. It most likely was, but truth be told, I could never imagine something like this. This was imagination to the next level; I only had the basic level.

It felt too real to be imagination anyway. In my head or not, it was real. Blaine was real, and he stood next to me, even dead, he was real. I'd missed that, missed him.

"I've missed you, Blaine, been trying to figure out how to live life without you. It's not easy. Jasper helped. When he was gone, I wanted to be alone, didn't want or think I needed anyone else. He came back and suddenly, I was a teenage girl again, all about the boy. I don't remember being like that with him before. He came and turned my life around. I was more than fine being by myself."

Blaine laughed at my insistent rambling. "I've missed you too, Sades. So damn much, I think I've already said it, but I'll keep saying it for whatever time we've got left here." That brought pain to my stomach; I didn't want this to end. I didn't want to say goodbye to Blaine again. The only positive would be that he'd be able to say goodbye back this time. I'd hear his voice when I said goodbye.