we'll live to tell the tale (l.s.)

dreamer's corner, ft. autumn leaves

tw// eating disorder behavior: stay safe please please please. i'm here if you need anything, my twitter is linked to this account, if it's hard my dms are always open. i've been there. enjoy!

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the drive was only about fifteen minutes, light traffic and everything. it was a nice day outside, the cloudless sky a pleasant blue, as if it weren't midautumn, but midsummer. the air was dry, a little too much so for louis' liking but still bearable. the boy's skin had always been on the drier side—during the winter, he would peel, deeper layers of his skin exposing something much more soft, new, pure. fragile.

harry pulled into the parking lot of a dingy looking café, clearly originally meant to be a baby blue but was beginning to brown from rust. the shingles were intact, but if you were to look a bit more closely, you'd be able to tell they were flaking off.

"we're here, love." harry whispered gently, "it's a nice place, the aura it gives off is really soft."

louis noticed that there was a large sign at the door, hand-painted in dark black script: DREAMER'S CORNER

he didn't have time to ponder the meaning of those words before harry whisked them both inside the shop. "welcome!" a lady of at least seventy years behind a counter chimed, "oh, harry, you brought a friend today, should have given me the heads up and i would have fixed you both something special."

harry laughed a velvety laugh, one that louis hadn't had the privilege to hear before. "no big deal, ms. carpenter. we're just here to enjoy our afternoon."

"how many times do i have to tell you to stop calling me that? makes me seem old. i am though, i guess. but just call me sharon." the lady, all warmth, snow white curly hair, purple jewels at her neck, was so fitting for the atmosphere of the little café. it smelled of blueberry muffins, the walls on the interior were purple and beige, the tables all made of an old but smooth wood. louis relaxed instantly.

"i'll have my usual. how about you, lou?" harry looked at the ocean boy again, momentarily making both of them stop in their tracks, forgetting the impact that the other had on each of them.

louis sucked in. he had forgotten the entire point of cafes, and the point of going out during a mealtime. for normal people, it was for the food as well as the time spent with others. but for louis, it was pure panic. "i... i guess i'll have..." he stumbled and hurriedly looked at the menu, a chalkboard hung from the ceiling. "i'll have a seasonal salad? no dressing, no cheese, please. and a side of tea, no milk or sugar."

harry furrowed his eyebrows at this. "you sure you don't want more?" harry probed. somehow, he knew that this was how it would turn out, but he was still frustrated. "you need to fill yourself up a little bit more, you know. growing boy and everything."

"hazza, i'm 21. i'm not exactly growing anymore, unfortunately," louis joked, in attempt to lighten the mood. "i had a big breakfast and just had a snack after my classes, don't worry about it."

harry wasn't stupid, he could sense that these were complete and utter lies, but at the moment, he couldn't exactly argue back—not in front of sharon, not when louis clearly wasn't comfortable talking about it, not when louis' voice had sounded so unsteady the night before. so he accepted it again. "okay, i guess." he paid sharon, who had given him a discount like she always had, winking at harry a little while gesturing to the smaller boy, to which harry had only rolled his eyes.

the two of them chose stools next facing a window to get settled, and their food was brought promptly to them. harry's order consisted of a cuban sandwich with the side of tomato soup and some more tea, again bathing in sugar and milk.

"do you come here often? you seem to know the lady that works here pretty well." louis prompted, trying to further ease the tension leftover from their earlier conversation.

"i used to work here, actually," harry smiled, happy to reminisce. "i baked a lot of the things that this place offers. like, it's a café with sandwiches and such but there's a bunch of pastries, as well. i like to think i got pretty good at it before quitting."

"yeah? why did you quit?"

"oh, life just picked up is all. things got in the way and i figured that i was well-off enough at the time to take a break. when i needed a job it was a lot easier to work on campus, you know? just more convenient and everything."

louis nodded, smiling while moving bits around in his salad. he'd been eating slowly, mostly shoving his food back and forth in his plate, chewing carefully, but eating nonetheless. it made harry feel a bit better, but not by much.

he took this time really take in the ocean boy properly. he'd been too nervous when he had first rang his doorbell to really pay attention to anything more than the fact that his eyes were the same striking blue as before. he was wearing a tan sweater that drooped off of him a little, as well as tight black jeans and adidas sneakers. a very normal outfit, compared to the copious amounts of jewelry and accessories harry adored. but simplicity was very fitting of the boy—it brought out the distinctiveness of his natural features—wispy hair, defined cheekbones, soft lips, soft eyes. soft.

but harry noticed another change from the day he had first seen louis, to the night at the bar, to now. the boy had begun to look much more feeble, hand holding his fork almost as if it were the as heavy as a bowling ball, a slight, permanent tremor that hadn't gone away since harry had noticed it before. of course, the younger boy had his suspicions and couldn't help but make assumptions. it was a topic that he knew louis had intentionally been walking around and making sure harry did not have the time to address.

before he could even think about the weight of his words (a pattern that seemed to show its face quite often in his world), half-formed thoughts began to fall from harry's lips. "louis, you should... why- why are you like this?"

the other boy's head snapped up in dismay. "like what?"

deciding he had stepped too far to back out, harry went on. "like... like this. why don't you eat more?"

the air thickened suddenly, and it became harder for the both of them to breathe. it was like someone had walked in with a vacuum and sucked all the buoyancy out of the room. the october air that had not seemed so cold began to hit them both harder than ever. "what are you talking about, love?" louis pretended that it hadn't affected him at all. "i do, you've not even seen me at a mealtime until now, harry."

he was right, harry figured, coughing awkwardly. there was nothing he could say to argue back to that. "well, i guess so. sorry if that seemed prying. i was just worried, is all."

"no, harry, i'm fine. it's not like i'm malnourished or anything." the ocean boy attempted at jesting. "'s not like i look like i don't eat."

he said the latter part under this breath, not meaning for harry to hear, and he almost hadn't, with chet baker playing in the café's background. fitting, for a place so filled with warmth and honey. like chet baker's voice. but nonetheless, harry did catch it. "that's, that's not the point, lou. even someone who seems like they're a healthy weight can be malnourished or disordered. you never know." he didn't want to seem condescending, lecturing louis as if he were a child, but it absolutely killed harry to hear the boy he was so infatuated with say things like that about himself. and believing it, above everything.

louis laughed a bitter laugh. "i get it. thanks for caring, curly. but i'm doing proper well. be more concerned with yourself, no? you look like you haven't slept at all."

"y-yeah." harry gave in, not knowing how to further make the boy open up. they'd known each other for hardly any time at all, anyway. it wasn't urgent. "i was too excited to see you today."

the tension dissipated, and louis let go of the breath he hadn't even known he'd been holding. "oh, yeah? you cheeky little bastard. i could say the same for myself." he cracked a huge smile, one that enchanted harry like it was some sort of hallucinogenic drug, reminding him of the golden sun on the days where he, his mother, and his sister would go on picnics, bathing themselves in warmth and in spring. it was a breath of fresh air, really.

so harry allowed himself to forget it for now. he would do anything, really, to preserve that smile.