we'll live to tell the tale (l.s.)

they will defend it like a lioness her young

tw// purging , mentions of self harm , eating disorder behavior

hi, i've been having a rough few days. my stomach hurt so bad today, i legit knocked out in the bathroom for twenty minutes before getting up lie down in bed. probably not going to write more tonight-- i usually write half a chapter at night from around one to two or three, then finish it the next morning. i'm probably not going to try tonight, i have too much stuff and i feel too weak so the next upload will likely be tuesday, 10.20.20, in the afternoon. thanks! sorry for the long note. probably irrelevant but i think i have the right to talk about myself since writing this fic is basically an outlet for my feelings anyway. 

stay safe; my dms are open. twitter is @louflymehome.

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louis really was trying his best to get out of that damn place, but the idea of truly gaining weight, gaining fat, scared him more than he thought anything ever would. he came up with this brilliant idea of funneling water into his system before his daily weigh-in. there was no reliable way to hide weights throughout his body while he was on the scale, as they made him strip naked aside from a gown, not even underwear allowed. and he didn't have access to anything small and heavy, anyway.

of course, the hospital was experienced with patients like him, so there were precautions made to prevent that. nothing louis couldn't work around, though. every morning, he'd wake up at six thirty, half an hour before the nurses came to take his vitals. he asked harry to bring him bottles of water to drink whenever he could, his excuse being that he was too anxious to ask hospital staff. and harry, being the sweetheart he was, complied.

the blue-eyed boy was careful to not touch the water until right before the weigh-in, in fear that he would need to wee during the night and waste all that weight that could have been added on the scale. he was also careful not to allow the nurses to see the empty water bottles, careful to stow them under his bed until harry came by, whom he asked to dispose of them as a favor.

it took only four days extra after the first week to finally reach the required minimum weight for him to be discharged. it, of course, was still quite low and in the underweight range but high enough for doctors to not have to worry that he'd suffer from acute heart failure just from standing. though, he did feel like his bladder was about to explode when he stepped on the scale and was given the news.

"again, it's important that you move to another level of treatment specific for eating disorders, and i personally recommend, as your physician, to do a couple of months of residential treatment for the lowest chance of relapse and the highest chance of full recovery. you being of age, however, means that we cannot force you into anything." dr. matthers said later that afternoon.

harry was there, having decided to skip class after receiving the news of louis' potential discharge. "what do you think, love? your doctor and i just want the best for you, and getting more specialized treatment might be it." he whispered, holding the older boy's hand tightly. it would be a lie if he said he weren't deathly nervous; after all, even though it was louis' life, this all affected him as well.

"i think i'm fine. like, if it gets worse, maybe i'll see someone. but for now, just trust me, yeah? what happened was a one-time deal. i don't want to be weak and have to see a therapist or anything. i also don't want to take medication for my brain or whatever. because i'm fine."

before dr. matthers could get a word in, harry spoke up. "you think speaking to a therapist is weak, lou? did you think any less of me when i told you that i had to see a therapist every week when i was a kid?"

"no, because you needed it. and there's nothing wrong with that. it's just, i don't need that right now. this is something i can figure out on my own."