we'll live to tell the tale (l.s.)

what becomes of the tin man when he wishes to disappear?

tw// vomit , eating disorder behavior

stay safe! comment if you can, it makes my day, honestly (i need validation lol, recently been feeling like my chapters are shit). thanks for reading this far! x

twitter: @/louflymehome

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harry knew that it was foolish of him to think that he could simply wish his problems away. nothing in this world works that way, he realized. miracles don't exist, and god doesn't hear anybody's prayers—if he did, he didn't listen. and that, the green-eyed boy thought, would be much worse than being ignorant.

it'd be hypocritical, though, to grow frustrated at god for ignoring those suffering, harry figured. he was doing the same thing to louis' agony, in essence. looking away, hoping that everything would be okay when he opened his eyes again.

it wasn't that he didn't care. he did; he cared about the boy more than anything, more than he did anyone else. but to accept that he was truly wasting away felt eerily like admitting defeat. that harry wasn't able to help him alone. that he wasn't enough to convince louis of how loved he was. how special he was.

so when he set up plans for the two to spend time with zayn for an afternoon at the park, he decided to throw everything else out the window and have fun without reproach. and it started out quite smoothly; the three of them had agreed to meet at noon and grab lunch at a food truck. they'd chosen that saturday for that purpose—an array of taco trucks, sandwich trucks, ice cream trucks, and even crepe stands would line up on the perimeter of the park; an event that happened every final saturday of each month.

louis and harry were the first to arrive, around ten minutes earlier than their noon meetup time. it was a habit that louis had picked up from growing up with all sisters who were perpetually late. everything was done under the assumption that something would happen and put him behind schedule. it had actually improved harry's lifestyle as well, with all the time they were spending together. he complained constantly about the fact that he would be woken up far before he'd actually need to in order to be on time for class or work, but the routine did end up sticking with him, even on mornings he didn't spend at louis' flat. the idea that bits of louis were making their way into harry's everyday life made him irrationally happy, slapping a stupid-looking grin on his face whenever the subject showed itself in his mind. it made him feel closer to the ocean boy, after all.

seeing zayn again made harry struck by his beauty once more, his eyelashes and olive skin and golden demeanor. but it was nothing compared to the reaction it'd gotten from louis. when he looked over at the ocean boy as zayn came into view, it felt like falling in love for the first time again. his eyes had softened, corners being pulled down by sweetness and nostalgia, fighting a smile that harry wished would show itself without hesitation. he realized, in that moment, he'd never seen one of louis' immodest smiles—they were always quick to be covered by a hand, or fought back, as if being happy were something to be punished for. his heart prickled with uncertainty for the boy.

he was quickly taken out of deep thought, though, by zayn's milky voice. "hey lads! louis! i haven't seen you in forever. how've you been? and harry, nice to see you again, i thought you were fit but if louis' your man then i can't exactly complain, can i? a handsome man for another handsome man."

"oh shut up, malik!" chimed louis, "you aren't exactly any less flashy than harry over here. although... he is quite special, huh?"

"you two are whipped. it makes me feel all fuzzy inside just to watch. but also a little mad," zayn laughed. "let's get going, shall we? i'm starving."

harry felt louis falter beside him, but force a laugh anyway. "yeah, let's go."

harry settled on a traditional taco stand, getting a tray of three, while zayn chose a banh mi from a vietnamese stand. when louis said he wasn't very hungry and settled on just lemonade, harry and zayn shared a look that told the curly-haired boy that they both knew what was going on. but neither said anything about louis' choice in lunch, wanting to avoid conflict after having just met.