we'll live to tell the tale (l.s.)

genesis, exodus, leviticus

tw// trauma , past abuse , mentions of self harm and tools , mention of eating disorder

this is a transitionary chapter to finding out a bit more about louis. it was honestly a struggle to write, and i don't know how good the quality of my writing is. been in a bit of a funk lately. it's alright, though. 

something i told my friend the other day: you're worthy of happiness. i can't promise that things will get better but i can promise change (no things in this world will ever be truly constant) and chances are, there will be some changes for the better.

twitter: @louflymehome

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"you know," harry began carefully, one morning, while the two were getting ready to go on campus for their respective lectures. they'd made a point to accompany each other there, scheduling meetings with professors at the same times, or waiting in the library while the other was attending a lecture. "i'm thinking about really pursuing music."

"yeah? aren't you already? majoring in it and everything?" louis responded, despite already having an idea of what harry really meant. he'd been observing the boy for a while; having noticed the anxieties that ate at the saturation of green eyes as time passed, the confusion as to where this degree would really take him, whether he was really benefitting from waiting after uni to decide, what he would even decide on. he would hold harry on the nights where things seemed to overflow, and louis would always insist that it was no problem, that it was never too much. that he would never be too much.

"yeah, but..." harry took a deep breath and set down the comb he'd been running through his hair. "i think i want to start doing something more for my future. i'm not getting any younger. that's not to say i'm dropping out, or i'm quitting my job. i just want, this is going to sound stupid, but i've been speaking to some of my professors about starting up a solo career soon. you know, doing gigs and stuff. nothing big, obviously. just somewhat of a kickstart."

"i'll support you every step of the way, haz. no matter what you choose to do," he said softly, looking up at uncertain green eyes that'd reminded him of spring. the type that healed, not the type that held bad memories in its palms.

"thanks," the younger boy smiled. "i've got some songs written already. there's one i'd like to show you when it's done."

"i'd be delighted." louis thought back to the verses still laying at the corner of his desk. "can't wait."

the library on campus, despite never being a place louis fared, had a pretty good selection of books. some days, it would get quite crowded, especially around exam season. usually, though, it would just be him and a couple others in the corner. it had a high ceiling, two floors, and more windows than he thought should be legal in a single building, vaguely resembling a shopping mall. the windows allowed an ungodly amount of overly dazzling sunlight in, forcing anyone who stepped into squint. it was one of those sunny january afternoons that would fool one to believe it was much warmer than it really was.

like harry, he'd been thinking about what he really was planning to do after uni. in truth, he never imagined himself to be alive for so long. ever since what happened with jean, and moving back to london after two years of thinking he'd be in new york forever, he thought that it was something he'd never come back from. so the future wasn't something he bothered to preoccupy himself with, ever.

even now, he questioned whether it was really worth it to pursue something more. if he'd be better off rotting in a gas station bathroom convulsing from a morphine overdose. or maybe he'd put himself to rest in a field of flowers, ones that reminded him of everything beautiful in the world, and everything beautiful beyond it. maybe, he thought, it'd even convince him that someone as wretched as he belonged among the flowers.