we'll live to tell the tale (l.s.)

to be what one seems

tw// RAPE / NON-CON (!!!!!!!!) , implied self harm , eating disorder thinking , past trauma 

holy shit. let me know what you think. let me know if it's rushed. let me know if it makes any sense at all. i'm sorryi'msorryi'msorry

also, recently i've been feeling more alone than ever, so i'd like to remind you all that you are not alone. that it gets better. that you are worthy of love and happiness. take care of yourselves. please.

again, i apologize for everything this is and everything that i am x

twitter: @louflymehome

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they arrived at the party at seven p.m., and louis couldn't help but feel so out of place. he worried at first that he'd be underdressed in just dark jeans and a soft gray sweater, but getting there, he realized that what he was wearing should be the least of his concerns. the place was swarming with people, and the floor was slick with a thick layer of sticky sweat. the bottoms of his shoes would squeak if he didn't pick them up all the way as he walked.

as soon as he got there, he couldn't shake the suffocating air that attacked him from all angles. everything smelled of drunkenness and disorient and libido. there were people pressed against each other in the corner, men with their shirts off, women wearing low-cut bodycon dresses grinding on them. it was dizzying.

"haz! lou!" a voice said, scaring louis, who had cricked his neck after turning quickly to see that it was just niall. "it's nice to see you guys here! i was worried about you, harry. you haven't been to a party in forever!"

"you know i don't like these things, ni," harry shook his head, but chuckled nonetheless. "just not my scene, y'know?"

"bullshit. everyone loves having you around, especially the ladies." it was clear that the irish boy was hammered, with how his words slurred together into a single gooey thread of hot wax.

"i don't know like, anyone. just you and li, for the most part." the younger boy said.

"c'mon. ed's here. taylor. kendall. liam even brought his girl, maya."

"alright, alright. i'll probably stay with lou for the most part, though."

louis tried to blink away some of the purple light (which came from an unknown source), but it had followed him even past his eyelids, as if staining his entire being. "it's- it's fine, hazza. just go and have fun, okay? you haven't seen liam in a while, make sure to catch up with him."

"i knooow," he drawled. "you can meet him too. i want you to meet all my friends."

louis blushed, momentarily forgetting about the overwhelming surroundings.

after niall peeled himself back to the dancefloor to devour the face of some girl in a black leather skirt and fishnets, the two of them retreated to a corner with a couple of drinks, chatting. louis had gotten his usual vodka soda while harry made himself an extravagant margarita.

the ocean boy recoiled when he felt a large palm with the diameter of what had to be at least the size of a basketball cup his ass. he couldn't see who it was, as they were gone before he could even turn around. not to mention, it was so crowded he wouldn't be able to pick the person out even if they hadn't scrammed after a single squeeze. harry hadn't noticed, but he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up and palms begin to sweat.

it was okay, he told himself. this was a good chance to get over everything, to get used to being touched again. not that he had any control over it. not that he ever had control over it.