salute [h.s]

things you said when you thought i was asleep

She's not sure why she woke but she suspects it has something to do with the fact that Harry is like a space heater behind her, emitting radiating waves of warmth that heat the skin of her back pressed directly to his chest. He has one arm draped over her waist, his hand pressed to the space of her ribs under her breast where his fingers tap a gentle pattern, barely there but still appreciable. That could have been what woke her up, she thinks.

And then she hears the words, blowing gently on her neck with each breath he takes, so quiet that she has to strain to hear them. His northern accent, barely there by day, becomes stronger at night when he thinks that no one hears, calling out to the home he's left behind. There's a thickness in his throat that he doesn't usually have and Piper realizes belatedly that he's nearly in tears.

She's tempted to roll over and hold him close, take his face between her hands and kiss him all over until he feels better. But the funny thing about Harry is that she doesn't think that would help. He's not the type that's comforted by confronting his feelings - it would probably just embarrass him. No, he needs to let his thoughts out so that they aren't bottled up inside and Piper knows she has to let him.

So she pretends to sleep on, keeping her breathing as even as she can. If Harry wasn't so distracted by his own thoughts, she knows he would be able to feel the change in her heart beat in the hand pressed to her chest but he's too busy mumbling words into the skin at the nape of her neck, words that she is beginning to comprehend now that she's shaken off her sleep.

"You scare me," he says, his voice raspy as it wraps around the words, rounding out the vowels. "I've never - I've never felt this way and I don't know what to do. I feel... I feel overwhelmed. Hmm, overwhelmed, that's it. And I just have so many feelings and they're all strange and new and it scares me, petal.

"I'm afraid I'll do something wrong. I'm afraid I'll lose you. I can't lose you. You're... you're everything and I know I'm going to mess it up, I'm going to push you away. I always do. But I don't want to."

His lips tickle her skin as he brushes the words against her, into her, and it takes everything she can muster to hold still, to keep from moving and breathe normally. She thinks it's impossible that he can't feel her heart thundering at a million miles an hour or the eruption of butterflies in her stomach.

"I think, maybe, that this feeling, this thing, it has to be love. I think it is but I don't know. I've never... I've never felt this. How do you make me feel this, petal? What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to deal with this?"

He has to know she's awake because his hand is still pressed against her and so is his chest and there is no way that he can't feel her heart beating twice the speed of his or the stilted way she is trying to breathe. But if he does know, he doesn't let on. He just pulls her closer, his arm impossibly tight around her middle as his forehead tucks against the nape of her neck and his leg slots between hers possessively.

"What am I supposed to do?" he whispers against her neck over and over until eventually he falls asleep with his lips pressed there. This time, it's Piper awake with a million thoughts running through her head.