salute [h.s]

piper has a new friend... and he's a boy

Piper has a new friend... and he's a boy.

Call me scandalized. I have lived above Piper for a year now and I have never seen a member of the male species enter through that door (which, granted, is a little sad for her but she has me so who else could she need). And then last night, slamming doors, shaking furniture, and screaming. My first instinct? Piper is being brutally murdered. I pace the floors for hours until my master leaves, the door open behind him. And then I make my move.

The strange man opens the door in only his undergarments which is a point against him on my pros-cons list. For me, this is not entirely a bad thing – after all, I walk around with no clothes every day and I happen to find it very relaxing and liberating for the soul. For humans though, I know that clotheslessness is socially unacceptable. I attempt to frown at this strange male human but my dog mouth does not cooperate. Typical.

He seems surprised to see me which is a little bit insulting. I assume that Piper has told him everything about me because I'm the most important thing in her life. Has he already forgotten this essential information, resulting in the clueless stare and the scrunched up face that add to his already overwhelming ugliness? This is unacceptable.

And then I see the gun in his hand and I remember why I'm here. Mission 1: protect Piper. This pale human with the drawings on his skin isn't going to hurt my best friend. I run to her room where she is lying in the bed. Is she already dead? Has he slit her throat and attempted to make his getaway only to be thwarted by the world's most superior dog? (That is me, if you were wondering).

I attempt to take her pulse, pressing my paw to her neck but that jolts her up and I realize she was never dead nor was she sleeping, simply pretending to sleep. Why, I'm not sure. While years of observation has assisted me in understanding some aspects of the human species, many of their more ambiguous capabilities still confuse me. Humans are quite complex creatures.

The pale human with the drawings on his skin is in the room again, the gun at his side, and I throw myself over Piper as a sacrifice. To my unending surprise, she throws me off and scolds me. Does she not realize that I was defending her life with my own? Does this mean nothing to her? I may have to re-evaluate our friendship.

She calls the pale human Harry. She says he is a friend.

He says they are more than friends. And the way he says it, I believe it.

He's already racked up 5 cons from his appearance along: he doesn't wear clothes, he has drawings on him that he's yet to wash off so he must not shower, his hair is overgrown a bit and seems to be circular (does this appeal to Piper somehow? I don't understand), his feet point in a bit which is incorrect position (deformity perhaps?), and he is much too tall, freakishly so.

Based on the way he just said that though, the more than friends bit, I'll give him 1 pro. But only 1.

He sits down on the bed and I test him a bit, just to see if he's up to snuff. Once my head is on his thigh, he begins to stroke my head. Usually, this would earn him a finger bite because I am not a toy and you pet me only when I tell you too, but he's good, hitting that little spot beside my ear that always itches and he digs in a little like he's not afraid to hurt me. A brave lad then.

I surreptitiously lick the human words drawn onto his thigh, just to give him a clean, but they don't come off. I'm not sure what this means. Once again, the human world has confused me.

Then I have to give him a couple more pros because he shakes my hand and that really is quite polite and then he applauds mine and Piper's fantastic routine. So it's 3 pros/5 cons now.

Add another pro because he asks me to watch over Piper while he cooks. He has earned that pro because I am well aware that Piper cannot cook which means that Harry has taken it upon himself to keep her in good health. Also, he acknowledges my essential role in the care and protection of our shared human female. He has deputized me. I accept the role.

He makes delicious smelling food and Piper seems to enjoy it, so much so that she even lets me try a piece. It's sweet and eggy and bready, and I enjoy it very much. I wish he had brought me a plate but he did not. And while I don't appreciate his abnormally long legs stretching into my space, I'll forgive it this time because the food is good.

He even leaves his plate right there in the open when he's done. I give him a wary glance, sniffing around his thigh a bit, to see if he's noticed what he's done. When he feels my nose, he pats my head gently and then winks at me. He's left the syrupy plate for me on purpose. That earns him another pro.

More importantly though is what I witness after I've increased my blood sugar for the day. It's the way he stares so earnestly at Piper while she speaks, the way he half smiles at her when she isn't looking, the possessive but protective way he wraps his hand around her ankle, connecting them without smothering her. And it's the way she stares back with a light in her eyes that I haven't seen in a long time, and how she blushes when he says something sweet to her, and the way she feels comfortable being completely herself in front of him. I feel like I'm witnessing something I've rarely witnessed before except for quick glimpses out my window – of affection and passion and, maybe, even love.

Harry mentions a shower and I agree that this is a good idea – I'm a dog with an enhanced sense of smell and let me tell you, neither of them is smelling like roses right now. Piper seems overly excited as she leaps off the bed and practically rips off her clothes. I flop down on the bed uninterested because I've never been a shower person myself. Also, no one has invited me along.

She mentions an orgasm and how that is the perfect start to a day. I'm not sure what that is – orgasm – so I just shrug. She doesn't notice, much too excited about the prospect. Someone will have to explain this orgasm concept to me if it's so exciting.

There is screaming from the shower but Harry is there so I know Piper will be safe. My job is done for this morning and I can take my rest.

They come out of the bathroom at the same time which means they must have showered together. Probably to save water. I give Harry another pro because he's environmentally conscious. As I'm ushered out of the flat, Harry gives me a hearty pat on the back and I decide that maybe he isn't so bad after all. For a pale human that is. Plus, the count is now 7 pros/5 cons.

I guess, for better or for worse, I'm going to have to get used to this Harry guy.