Twenty Four

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Harry

I must admit, I am having a good time tonight with Nova and her friends. This isn't something I usually would agree to, but getting a reaction out of Nova and watching her get flustered or irritated with me makes it all the more fun.

I know things were heavy yesterday and she saw a side of me that I don't normally let people see, but I didn't know she was going to barge on top of the roof and see me like that. I had no idea that she would pull me away from the ledge or that she would willingly want to save me considering how I normally treat her. I guess that's just how Nova is though, she cares for people even when they aren't the kindest to her.

I think that's the bad thing about Nova too, she cares so much for people and just keeps caring even when people aren't kind to her. It's obvious, she wants the best for her friends and cares about their well being and happiness. She puts people on a pedestal and puts their needs in front of her own.

I, on the other hand, am not like that. I think I've just been through so much in my life where I stopped caring. I stopped giving a shit about other's feelings and how I should treat them. I noticed it would hurt a lot less if I just pretended like I didn't care and just moved on with my life.

I'll admit, when Nova hugged me yesterday I felt something that I haven't felt in a long time. I felt like I actually mattered and meant something. Little did she know I needed that after everything that was circling my mind from seeing that picture. But that's the thing, I constantly say mean and hurtful things to Nova, yet she saves me and hugs me, and for what reason? Most people would label me as an asshole and go about their business, but Nova's different. She's always been different.

Ever since I laid eyes on her she's felt like home. I promised myself three years ago I would never let myself get close to someone else because pain and heartbreak just come along with the lovesick feelings. I also don't want to hurt Nova, I know I've bruised her emotionally but I can't trust myself not to physically bruise her.

I will admit the thought has crossed my mind a time or two, and when it did I punished myself. I didn't take medication or go seek counseling because that never worked in the past. I found while in the institution none of the help that was provided really assisted with my fucked up thoughts. Nothing would stop the violent day dreams except myself. I needed to fight my own demons to stay out of trouble and not hurt another.

But her on the other hand, she's one demon I can't fight off unless I surrender, but Nova stopped that. I don't think she realizes she's the antidote to stopping her, and that scares the shit out of me. It's confusing to think about because I don't want to hurt Nova like I did her, but at the same time Nova stops her from corrupting my mind. It's a strange concept really.

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